Youth Minister Gifts

The second coming struggles to retain interest in the 21st century.

"...and I, Pastor Smith...preaching to you now from this pulpit, speak to you from experience about the 'strong-willed' child...BELIEVE me!"

'Well, Scout Smith, escort the little old lay across the street.'

"And the way you kids kick ass today will speak volumes about the leaders of tomorrow you will be."

"Fellas, I invited Max here to give us a fresh, millennial take on how to get out of the inning."

"If anyone wants me, Ms. Clark, I'll be down in the youth department."

Regardless children just want to fit in.

BIBLE STORIES, 'This is full of battle and other BOY stuff - not a single romantic comedy!'

Mentoring Unit: 'Go on! You can do it! You can be a mentor!'

'Hmmphhhh ... High on Life. Now that's something the government ought to regulate.'

"Sinead?!"

". . . and what is the user name of this child?"

'At least hanging around street corners reminds us we're at a crossroads in our lives.'

'Sorry, pastor, your soul's grace period is eternity, your car's is six minutes.'

'I wouldn't worry too much about his communication skills....grunting is perfectly normal at his age!'

The mobile -priest was keen to use modern technology to 'keep in touch' with his parishioners!

When a teen finds out his parents are volunteering in the youth group.

'Our church funds seem to be in the computer cloud of unknowing.'

"We don't make cookies anymore - I'm selling Girl Scout apps."

Priest walks by a religious book shelf and and a Satan book pops out to hit him on the head.

'Chlamydia, that's a new one on me.'

'Last week's sermon was supposed to be about Plagues, but I got the flu.'

"Give me insights on marketing to your age demographic...and I'll give you a bright shiny penny."

"Building fund not going well, Reverend?"

Are you sure you know what you're doing?

Alcohol and Tobacco Danger

'My Social Worker said SOCIETY is to blame for my loutish behaviour, which came as an enormous relief to me.'

'Why can't I deduct my trip to Youngstown? I'm a youth pastor.'

Welcome Student Ministers: 'I hardly slept last night, with all the Bible thumping!'

Giggling during the debate didn't cost you the election. The mile coming out of your nose cost you the election.

'Jake - how long have you been our youth pastor?'

The Minor Issue

Don't do drugs and Don't sniff glue T-Shirts.

"I'm class president. I need a really big airplane."

Girl to mother: 'Don't call me a teenager. From now on, I want to be referred to as a pre-adult.'