Youth Minister Gifts

The second coming struggles to retain interest in the 21st century.

'Well, Scout Smith, escort the little old lay across the street.'

"...and I, Pastor Smith...preaching to you now from this pulpit, speak to you from experience about the 'strong-willed' child...BELIEVE me!"

"And the way you kids kick ass today will speak volumes about the leaders of tomorrow you will be."

"Fellas, I invited Max here to give us a fresh, millennial take on how to get out of the inning."

"If anyone wants me, Ms. Clark, I'll be down in the youth department."

Regardless children just want to fit in.

BIBLE STORIES, 'This is full of battle and other BOY stuff - not a single romantic comedy!'

Mentoring Unit: 'Go on! You can do it! You can be a mentor!'

'Hmmphhhh ... High on Life. Now that's something the government ought to regulate.'

'I wouldn't worry too much about his communication skills....grunting is perfectly normal at his age!'

"Sinead?!"

". . . and what is the user name of this child?"

The mobile -priest was keen to use modern technology to 'keep in touch' with his parishioners!

'At least hanging around street corners reminds us we're at a crossroads in our lives.'

'Sorry, pastor, your soul's grace period is eternity, your car's is six minutes.'

'...and we used to grumble about not understanding archaic church language!'

'Our church funds seem to be in the computer cloud of unknowing.'

When a teen finds out his parents are volunteering in the youth group.

"We don't make cookies anymore - I'm selling Girl Scout apps."

Priest walks by a religious book shelf and and a Satan book pops out to hit him on the head.

'Chlamydia, that's a new one on me.'

'Last week's sermon was supposed to be about Plagues, but I got the flu.'

"Building fund not going well, Reverend?"

Are you sure you know what you're doing?

"Give me insights on marketing to your age demographic...and I'll give you a bright shiny penny."

Alcohol and Tobacco Danger

'My Social Worker said SOCIETY is to blame for my loutish behaviour, which came as an enormous relief to me.'

'Why can't I deduct my trip to Youngstown? I'm a youth pastor.'

'Jake - how long have you been our youth pastor?'

The Minor Issue

Welcome Student Ministers: 'I hardly slept last night, with all the Bible thumping!'

Don't do drugs and Don't sniff glue T-Shirts.

Giggling during the debate didn't cost you the election. The mile coming out of your nose cost you the election.

"I'm class president. I need a really big airplane."