Career Development Guru Gifts

"Apart from fifty foot away, where do you see yourself, say in the next three months?"

'The 'insourcing' will go ahead and some jobs will be off to Leeds or Manchester, but I think I'll be safe...'

'Do you think, perhaps, that we could start shooting for a few longer-term goals around here?'

'I hope you're not threatened by powerful women, because you're fired.'

'We invest so much money in training staff...it's a mystery to me why businesses would risk losing them.'

'What sort of mission statement is that?'

I'm looking for employees who have their own unique way of seeing things my way.

"Staff support"

'You could be a constant inspiration for us to come up with a plan to get a leg up on our competition...you're hired!'

I hope a starting salary of 80 and a severance of 12 is acceptable....

"Welcome to the bank - you'll start at the bottom."

'And remember to emphasize we're giving them the opportunity to find a better job.'

'Our parents were replaced by machines - We'll be replaced with new software.'

'Your resume is a little thin, but I like your willingness to be manipulated by upper management.'

"She's done it! The formula for work-life balance!"

'I'm Jeremy's father. I'm a computer consultant and I'm unemployed.'

Reach for the Star.

International Women's Day.

Business books - Who's Who & Who's Downsized sections.

"It's a memo from the legal department reminding us to (heh-heh), 'keep our noses clean'."

'No, your guess isn't as good as mine.'

Pipe Dream.

"Sorry, we've found an app that's better at being you than you!"

'I'm judging by your silence Al that you're giving me the green light on the Greenwich project. I just want to say that I admire your leadership. I guess that's why you've been running this company for 20 years.'

'Very impressive educational background...now let's discuss WHO you know.!

"I've just never worked anyplace where the 'alpha male' was a woman."

Sir Winston Churchill

"Welcome aboard, Bailey. Don't worry — they don't bite."

'I clawed my way to the top and then I clawed my way back to the middle.'

"You're just the man we're looking for. Come around to this side of the desk, and I'll gather up my things and get the heck out of here."

'The staff is being reduced. The exit strategy will be explained at a meeting to be held, after work, in the parking lot.'

"Where would you see yourself in five years' time?"

'The downside to my meteoric rise to the top is that I didn't have the opportunity to step on many people.'

"I suppose just climbing the greasy pole is no longer an option..."

"At this office no two days are different."