Professional Development Guru Gifts

"Did we mention how much we value punctuality?"

Businessman on stilts: 'I had to step over a lot of people to get where I am today.'

'You see, Brad, I'm not just a highly polished career woman.'

"I spent all day learning productivity hacks"

Can't Do the Math/Won't Do the Math.

"It's a memo from the legal department reminding us to (heh-heh), 'keep our noses clean'."

'As a beginning teacher, you know you come here prepared to teach and become a good teacher. As you gain experience, you will learn that you also come here to care and become a great teacher.'

"Now that I have everyone's attention..."

'I'm judging by your silence Al that you're giving me the green light on the Greenwich project. I just want to say that I admire your leadership. I guess that's why you've been running this company for 20 years.'

"Why won't you teach us how to handle complaints?"

Nothing Succeeds Like Confidence.

Apart from your mother, who else thinks you're doing a good job as Chairman of the company?

"The trend in tough economic times is to put off everything that doesn't require immediate action ? as this chart shows."

Sir Winston Churchill

That shows business confidence.

"Are we going for suntan, personal development or being the envy of our friends on Instagram?"

"I suppose just climbing the greasy pole is no longer an option..."

'The downside to my meteoric rise to the top is that I didn't have the opportunity to step on many people.'

"A dozen eggs and a pint of semi-skimmed...Sorry, looks like I left my presentation in my other coat."

"If you really want independence, you should get into contract law."

The Dubloon Stops Here

'Fred, I want you to sanitize this, punch it up, dumb it down, leak it to the media and then be fully prepared to deny it!'

'I'm afraid you don't have the leadership qualities we're seeking.'

Teamwork!

Feedback should be sought for genuine reasons, not because you want compliments. . .

'Instead of a raise, Yomp, you may call me 'Chief', instead of Mr Staghorn.'

"Listen to everybody's opinions? Please, we're not that desperate."

The number one injury in today's workplace: severe bends caused by repeated exposure to deep-dive presentations.

'I had to overcome stereotypical misunderstandings about who makes a good leader.'

'Hey! What's the big idea!?!'

"It's hard not to take a mutiny personally."

The vice-president in charge of sincerity

'You lack the expertise we're looking for, Mr Wheaton - but darn it, I like your attitude.'

"This your resumé?" "Yes, it's a list of things I hope you never ask me to do."