Career Development Aficionado Gifts

Tragic Employers Have No Way to Find Workers To Do Exactly What They Want

'You seem young, Perkins. Why, I bet I was incarcerated before you were even born.'

'The 'insourcing' will go ahead and some jobs will be off to Leeds or Manchester, but I think I'll be safe...'

'Do you think, perhaps, that we could start shooting for a few longer-term goals around here?'

'I hope you're not threatened by powerful women, because you're fired.'

'We invest so much money in training staff...it's a mystery to me why businesses would risk losing them.'

'What sort of mission statement is that?'

I'm looking for employees who have their own unique way of seeing things my way.

"Staff support"

'You could be a constant inspiration for us to come up with a plan to get a leg up on our competition...you're hired!'

I hope a starting salary of 80 and a severance of 12 is acceptable....

"Welcome to the bank - you'll start at the bottom."

'And remember to emphasize we're giving them the opportunity to find a better job.'

'Your resume is a little thin, but I like your willingness to be manipulated by upper management.'

'Our parents were replaced by machines - We'll be replaced with new software.'

'I'm Jeremy's father. I'm a computer consultant and I'm unemployed.'

Business books - Who's Who & Who's Downsized sections.

"She's done it! The formula for work-life balance!"

International Women's Day.

Reach for the Star.

'No, your guess isn't as good as mine.'

"Why won't you teach us how to handle complaints?"

"Sorry, we've found an app that's better at being you than you!"

Pipe Dream.

'Very impressive educational background...now let's discuss WHO you know.!

"I've just never worked anyplace where the 'alpha male' was a woman."

'I clawed my way to the top and then I clawed my way back to the middle.'

"Welcome aboard, Bailey. Don't worry — they don't bite."

"You're just the man we're looking for. Come around to this side of the desk, and I'll gather up my things and get the heck out of here."

'The staff is being reduced. The exit strategy will be explained at a meeting to be held, after work, in the parking lot.'

"Are we going for suntan, personal development or being the envy of our friends on Instagram?"

"Where would you see yourself in five years' time?"

"I'm sorry, but we're looking for someone who's more likely to be followed than following."

I'm a self-made man!

"At this office no two days are different."