Cardiovascular Surgeon Gifts

"Guess what, Findley? He really does have a heart of gold!"

'Honey, I wish you wouldn't bring your work home with you!'

Heart surgeon tastooing patients heart with "Love".

"If you don't want stitches, that's fine. Suture self."

'OK, the old one's in my right hand, the donor's in my left. Rght?'

"I've done this procedure so often I could do it in my sleep. But that's only happened twice – that I'll admit to."

'Is there another doctor in the house? He wants a second opinion.'

Doctor describes inside guts while patient has black thoughts.

Ice Cream Surgeon

QUINTUPLE BYPASSES EXPLAINED.

"I'm afraid we'll have to operate. Your appendix has an infection and it's extremely aggressive."

"And I want you to meet Coco, your anesthesiologist."

Doctor pulling golf caddy sees patient pulling oxygen caddy.

'I don't believe it. Five minutes after he gets the darn thing, he has an arrest!'

Surgeon finds a doohickey on the patient's thingamabob.

Swiss army hospital...'scalpel...'

Medical Building Directory: Dr. Larry Nix, Dr. Sally Putty, etc..

"Your bad cholesterol is trying to persuade your good cholesterol to switch sides."

Good Cop/Bad Cholesterol

Haute Suture

'My mom's the greatest surgeon this side of Mayo brothers.'

'But they told me to take her down to theatre...'

'ooh! A womb with a view.'

'Maybe it is psychosomatic.'

Young Dr. Dolittle.

"That's an awfully large small intestine and an awfully small large intestine."

There's no such thing as a triple carburetor bypass!

"Surgery up here is free!"

Robodoc... the NHS surgeon of the future.

'...and now, Gentlemen, we come to our final lecture in advanced cardiology...'

The operation was going extremely well, but then very unexpectedly, he got trampled.

"In case something happens during the surgery and you become incapacitated, have you designated someone to make poor life choices on your behalf?"

Why can't you just chew the squeaker out like normal dogs?

"In my life, I've had seven cars, six jobs, five houses, four bypass operations, and three wives!"

'See? The idiots put my danged knee replacement in backward!'