Carb Cutter Gifts

"One slice—hold the bread."

In the calorie family: 'You're home early?'....'Mrs. Harrison has started dieting again!'

'What happened mom? I thought you were on a low-carb diet?'

'That's why I put on weight! All I eat is carbs!'

The Atkins Diet.

"Oh, boy, hard-core sugar!"

'Doesn't it feel good to be taking care of our planet?'

'McWit, that's not what's meant by carbo loading.'

'I warned you about stuffing yourself with carbs, didn't I?'

"Moreover, profits double if we move in with our parents."

'He's on a high carbohydrate diet,'

"Quit chasing carbs, try a protein bar."

'I see you've managed to cut your coffee consumption in half.'

'I understand the concept, sir, but I think I'd do better if it were a donut.'

"Could you hold off clipping your coupons until I've finished reading the paper?"

Complex Carbohydrates

Complex Carbs

"I can build it. My price is 300 oxen and a flock of sheep. A roof would be 250 sheep extra."

"I've decided to forgo expensive gifts with acts of apathy."

'This cola only has half the calories, so if I only drink half that would be no calories!'

The Penultimate Temptation of Christ

'I'm afraid we're going to have to let you go...we've just sourced somebody in Mumbai who's 34% better at being you for 29% less!'

'It's so expensive because it doesn't do as much as other computers and it's harder to use.'

"We're cutting costs now, so get rid of the petting zoo."

'Hello, yes, I'd like to order 200 packs of the sweets you can eat between meals.'

'Sir, our new automated telephone system saves us $20,000 annually, but our phone business has dropped 66%!'

"Armstrong, you're the cheapest cheapskate on earth." "Not yet, but a man can dream." "This toothache is killing me but I have no money and no insurance. Do you know where I can find a really cheap dentist?" "Of course. I can give you my guy's name. He works for peanuts." "I’ll get a pen." "You’ll also need a passport and lots of penicillin."

Bakery. Don't you just love that new carb smell?!

There! What are the posters? Eco club is promoting walking, biking or bussing to school. That's a good way to save gas! I'm so glad you agree! I need a ride to get them to school!

"Cough cough"

Crusty Bread

'Due to concerns about Global Warming...I'm through with cooking.'

Ernie's on a high-protein diet and craving foods he can't have. They're creeping into everything he says. Whatcha watching, Ernie? I'm trying to decide between "Game of Scones" and that zombie show, "The Walking Bread." Later I might watch some "Dancing with the Starch." Ernie, leave room for that political drama you enjoy so much. Oh yeah, I love binging on "House of Carbs"!

"I didn't hire a photographer. I thought we'd save a few bob by just taking, wedding selfies."

I'm using fossil fuel.