Carb Avoider Gifts

'Oh that's why I put on weight - all I eat is carbs!'

"Oh, boy, hard-core sugar!"

'McWit, that's not what's meant by carbo loading.'

"Mummy said dinner was brussels sprouts tonight. What about we drop by the park and see if the old man sitting on the bench can feed us instead?"

I'd like a mocha almond vanilla latte...hold the coffee.

"I only drink decaf, otherwise I'm awake up to four hours a day."

'I warned you about stuffing yourself with carbs, didn't I?'

"Quit chasing carbs, try a protein bar."

"One slice—hold the bread."

"I'm the bluebird of PMS. Fetch me some decaf and turn on the air conditioner. I'm burning up in here!"

'I understand the concept, sir, but I think I'd do better if it were a donut.'

"Got anything else? I gave up carbs."

Complex Carbs

Complex Carbohydrates

The Penultimate Temptation of Christ

'Hello, yes, I'd like to order 200 packs of the sweets you can eat between meals.'

"It just wasn't working out. He's liberal low-carb and I'm strict keto."

Crusty Bread

Bakery. Don't you just love that new carb smell?!

'What happened mom? I thought you were on a low-carb diet?'

Café. Lo Carb Specialties Diner. It's ironic that they advertise on a sandwich board.

The Atkins Diet.

"I thought you were trying to go carb-free?"

Ernie's on a high-protein diet and craving foods he can't have. They're creeping into everything he says. Whatcha watching, Ernie? I'm trying to decide between "Game of Scones" and that zombie show, "The Walking Bread." Later I might watch some "Dancing with the Starch." Ernie, leave room for that political drama you enjoy so much. Oh yeah, I love binging on "House of Carbs"!

"One gluten-free, lactose-free, low carb pizza."

'I'm going to put you on a low carb diet,'

"Am I still hungry or am I just eating this because it's still there?"

Carb free support group: 'Oh boy! I can have my cake and not eat it, too!'

'Not that we don't appreciate the popcorn, but how about something low-carb next time?'

"But Dear, there were no fat people before bread was invented!"

"Decaf... I distinctly ordered DECAF."

Bad Carbs

Bakery. Your doctor put you on a no-bread diet? Yeah, I'm following the path of yeast resistance.

"Pasta-nonymous Tuesdays & Thursdays. Unlimited breadsticks at 7."

'We'll have to be more aggressive with your diet. I'd like to try something I call 'The Carbivore''.