Carbon Cruncher Gifts

"Cough cough"

'You may now turn over your paper and begin.' - 'Sir!' - 'Yes?' - 'What is it?' - 'I think Train 'A' and Train 'B' might be going to crash!'

'Okay, ladies! We're not just going to burn those calories, we're going to drown them!'

"Somehow, they get exempted from a lot of laws."

Scientist counting microscopic things he can see in his microscope

Why markets crash.

"I love November - the crunch of leaves underfoot... the crisp air... the holiday markets..." "... it getting dark by mid-afternoon..." "Okay, that's less enjoyable."

'Doesn't it feel good to be taking care of our planet?'

'In a sentence or two, Gibbs.'

Profit slump

Given seven minutes to finish, he flashed through the weekly report.

"No, this is 111110100111101111 ... you want 111110100111101101."

'I used to trade in futures until I learned the planet doesn't have one.'

Energy performance certificate nailed to wall exhausts employer.

loan

Exchange Fund

'Just how much carbon are we supposed to offset?'

'I wonder if everyone else is making as much effort as us to reduce global warming.'

Hourglass earth - time running out

'We'll take a short break in case anyone needs to change their underwear.'

"Hurray! We've solved global warming!"

'Happy birthday, dear -- it's a carbon offset!'

Net Zero Superstitions

Climate Change Denier's Playbook

'Will that be on your store charge?'

Carbon capture and storage

'I'm trying to transmute lead into a combustible fuel that will produce no smoke.' 'Turning it into gold will be easier.'

'It's difficult to get passioniate about things you can't pronounce.'

'According to our cost-benefit analysis, if you don't come up with the solution by Thursday at 2:30 P.M., you can forget about the whole thing.'

"If you really want to experience eternity...try waitin for global agreement on emissions reductions."

Heathrow Protesters - This airport's rubbish!

"When they said they wanted to be saved, I assumed they were talking long term."