Contract Cruncher Gifts

Solicitor Reading House Deeds

'You may now turn over your paper and begin.' - 'Sir!' - 'Yes?' - 'What is it?' - 'I think Train 'A' and Train 'B' might be going to crash!'

'This is my partner. He'll be taking care of the small print.'

Scientist counting microscopic things he can see in his microscope

"Where are you guys going?" "We’re out of here!" "It’s October 28th!" "The new team are running late. We need you to stay until February 2025!" "But I’m tired!!" "How do we know they won’t bail on us again?"

Why markets crash.

Chicken soup for the adjunct professors soul

'In a sentence or two, Gibbs.'

"No, this is 111110100111101111 ... you want 111110100111101101."

'I used to trade in futures until I learned the planet doesn't have one.'

Profit slump

Given seven minutes to finish, he flashed through the weekly report.

'Let's run it through legal.'

"You may have been the victim of a mis-sold PFI contract..."

loan

Exchange Fund

'Forget your two million pound recording contract. When are you going to get a steady job?'

Tonight's Lecture: Your share of the national debt. That explains my credit rating.

'We'll take a short break in case anyone needs to change their underwear.'

'Due to budget cutbacks, we need to get by with less.'

"Before we hire you, we'd like you to sign this non-compete agreement. It basically states that you won't work anywhere else for the rest of your life."

'The union told me what we could do with our contract proposal.'

"Yes, you paid for the product and the plan, but there's an extra charge for actually using it."

'According to our cost-benefit analysis, if you don't come up with the solution by Thursday at 2:30 P.M., you can forget about the whole thing.'

"I think I see the problem..."

'Remind clients to come prepared for their initial consultation with documents, names, addresses, checkbook, credit cards, cash.'

Boris promises to pursue a Brexit deal with OOMPH!

"Cough cough"

'Will that be on your store charge?'

"You forgot to read the small print Mr Burrows. My charges are ten pounds a letter and you have two hundred and thirty three on this page."

"We've seen all the data and crunched all the numbers, now, heads or tails?"

'Oh no. More lab results.'

'Surely it is no longer legal to include 'deposit of your first-born child'?'

'Basically, my study challenges the more the merrier theory.'

'If our calculations are correct, Dr. Pinkerton, continental drift is speeding up much faster than anyone thought.'