Data Cruncher Gifts

"We've seen all the data and crunched all the numbers, now, heads or tails?"

'Oh no. More lab results.'

'Basically, my study challenges the more the merrier theory.'

'Now don't panic. Not everything was erased. We still have loads of data on rainfall, upholstery and jaywalking.'

A man and a woman sit on a seesaw looking at a graph.

'In a sentence or two, Gibbs.'

'If our calculations are correct, Dr. Pinkerton, continental drift is speeding up much faster than anyone thought.'

Scientist counting microscopic things he can see in his microscope

"So...anyone not sure they can cope with this?"

"Who let Urkel in here?"

'It's the same charting software the pros use. You know, the same guys who fail to match market returns 90 of the time.'

'According to our cost-benefit analysis, if you don't come up with the solution by Thursday at 2:30 P.M., you can forget about the whole thing.'

'We'll take a short break in case anyone needs to change their underwear.'

Why markets crash.

'I used to trade in futures until I learned the planet doesn't have one.'

Exchange Fund

Profit slump

'What I don't understand is how all three of us managed to get the figures wrong!'

'And were there a point to your proposal, Henderson - What would it be?'

"Forget five-year plans. Let's just figure out how to make it to lunch."

"These projections don't make sparkles shoot out my ass."

'It's only a hunch, but I think everybody bought everything they needed, last time.'

"Miracles happen, gentlemen, but they don't come cheap."

"I’ve combined all your outstanding debt into what we here in the banking business like to call a honkin’ big loan."

'What do you want first - The bad news or the even badder news?'

'You may now turn over your paper and begin.' - 'Sir!' - 'Yes?' - 'What is it?' - 'I think Train 'A' and Train 'B' might be going to crash!'

'Please remember that these figures could be off as much as two dollars.'

'Einstein, the children are getting too complex for me.'

'The prevailing wisdom is that markets are always right. I think that luck is always right.'

Or as I prefer to call it, the 'feel-good' factor.

"Although technically it's a profit and loss statement, the narrative is admittedly rather one-sided."

Entering the Business Community: Assets/Liabilities

"The trend in tough economic times is to put off everything that doesn't require immediate action ? as this chart shows."

'Actually, accounting is an exact science.'

'First you forget logarithms. Then you forget how to do long division. Then the multiplication table begins to go...'