Number Cruncher Gifts

Accountants just want to have fun...

"It's up to you now, Miller. The only thing that can save us is an accounting breakthrough."

'It's not an accounting breakthrough, Sam. It's wrong.'

"Will you stop saying 'ouch' every time I cut something out of your budget?"

"We're trying to put the fun back into filing taxes."

"Son, you're old enough now for The Talk: everything you need to know about compound interest."

Had volumes of data at my fingertips and still didn't see this one coming.

'I see you have all of your checks and receipts. What are you trying to hide?'

"A billion is a thousand million? Why wasn't I informed of this?"

'Now, keep in mind that these numbers are only as accurate as the fictitious data, ludicrous assumptions and wishful thinking they're based upon!'

'How close to the truth do you want to come, sir?'

'What I don't understand is how all three of us managed to get the figures wrong!'

'The sales team did all they could, so I'd have to say the blame for that must fall on the consumer.'

'Just exactly how bad is our cash flow problem?'

'I've analyzed, condensed and simplified the data...it was a good quarter.'

SURVEYS-R-US: "87% of the 56% who completed more than 23% of the survey thought it was a waste of time."

"The trend in tough economic times is to put off everything that doesn't require immediate action ? as this chart shows."

"What I don't understand is how all three of us managed to get the figures wrong,"

'Why bother to budget? So we can worry before we spend money, as well as afterwards.'

'Having conducted a comprehensive analysis of dozens of subsets of data from a wide range of sources we've confirmed that the likely answer is 36...now we just need to identify the question.'

'On the left, this year's reading scores. On the right, the same data digitally enhanced.'

'Before I make my decision, I'd like to see those meaningless statistics again.'

"Well, get some new numbers or I'm getting a new numbers guy."

Sad boss: "This one pretty much sums it up."

'Here's where accounting went all ethical on us.'

'But then again...we could be wrong.'

'At our last meeting we decided to go for broke. Well, mission accomplished.'

'Unfortunately, we were a little off-target again this quarter.'

'I need a tool to measure productivity.'

'I have to admit ... the fist pumps are making me nervous.'

'We're beginning to see some positive patters in the emerging data.'

"Well you can't upset me, Timpson- what's the bad news you've got?"

'What I'm challenging this group to do, then, is to redirect our shared passion for the idea of making money into actually making money!'

"No it doesn't stand for Vodka and Tonic."

"I'll be needing one of your legs as well!"