Number Crunchers Gifts

'Now think, Harris, what did you do different on that day?'

'Ooops! My mistake. That was the yearly budget estimate, no the monthly estimate.'

Tax Auditor door sign / Out to get you ? back in one hour.

Statistics department with 'You are here (sampling error +/- 4%)'.

'No, that's not the diameter of an electron. It's the rate I'm currently getting on my Treasury money fund.'

Re-Tooling Costs - "Could you be a little more precise than umpteen million?"

'Well Gentlemen...One down, one to go.'

'I thought 'good accounting practices' was just a suggestion!'

Global Airlines - "As I come to the Balance Sheet figures, oxygen masks will drop from the ceiling."

'The numbers don't lie... Damn them!'

'Don't worry! Since 28% of my salary goes to the government, I've decided to work 72% of the time!'

"This'll show the Theology Department."

'Tonight on the Gourmet Accountant - cooking the books.'

"...if you set aside 2% of your salary for your pension you can retire at 97."

WHAT I DON'T UNDERSTAND IS HOW ALL THREE OF US MANAGED TO GET THE FIGURES WRONG

I.R.S. in god we trust - all others we audit

"And these projections are based solidly on hope, crossed fingers, and fear."

"Well we'd value the company at either £24 million. . . less than £100,000 or somewhere in between. But we wouldn't want you to hold us to that."

'Congratulations! It's a tax credit!'

'Good Heavens, you're right - money IS everything!'

"Actual results indicate that the statistical analysis of the data which projections were based on may have been wrong."

"Gawd! You startled me! I thought I had left for the day." Bob's perfectionism came back to haunt him ??" and go over the figures again.

Finance Director killed by falling profits

'Leading economic indicators...Misleading economic indicators.'

'In hindsight, we should have spent more on marketing than entertainment.'

"Remember that optimistic, slightly crazy, throw a dart at the wall forecast? We beat it."

'Damn! McGee's good!'

"When we went inside the numbers, we found goo."

'Gifts are last year. This year it's moving money around to avoid tax.'

'Giving back to the community is an excellent tax write-off strategy.'

'We're in good shape. Nobody understands our financial statement.'

'Unfortunately, our computer trading software just sent your money to someone in Nigeria.'

'Still looking for that Tax Loophole.'

TELLER, 'You're not just a number to us, sir -- there's a whole bunch of hypens and letters, too.'

Cat counts nine grim reapers.