Number Crunchers Pillows

'Now think, Harris, what did you do different on that day?'

'Ooops! My mistake. That was the yearly budget estimate, no the monthly estimate.'

Tax Auditor door sign / Out to get you ? back in one hour.

'No, that's not the diameter of an electron. It's the rate I'm currently getting on my Treasury money fund.'

Statistics department with 'You are here (sampling error +/- 4%)'.

Re-Tooling Costs - "Could you be a little more precise than umpteen million?"

'Well Gentlemen...One down, one to go.'

'I thought 'good accounting practices' was just a suggestion!'

Global Airlines - "As I come to the Balance Sheet figures, oxygen masks will drop from the ceiling."

'The numbers don't lie... Damn them!'

'Don't worry! Since 28% of my salary goes to the government, I've decided to work 72% of the time!'

WHAT I DON'T UNDERSTAND IS HOW ALL THREE OF US MANAGED TO GET THE FIGURES WRONG

'Tonight on the Gourmet Accountant - cooking the books.'

"...if you set aside 2% of your salary for your pension you can retire at 97."

I.R.S. in god we trust - all others we audit

'Congratulations! It's a tax credit!'

"Well we'd value the company at either £24 million. . . less than £100,000 or somewhere in between. But we wouldn't want you to hold us to that."

"Gawd! You startled me! I thought I had left for the day." Bob's perfectionism came back to haunt him ??" and go over the figures again.

'Good Heavens, you're right - money IS everything!'

Finance Director killed by falling profits

"Actual results indicate that the statistical analysis of the data which projections were based on may have been wrong."

'In hindsight, we should have spent more on marketing than entertainment.'

'Leading economic indicators...Misleading economic indicators.'

"Remember that optimistic, slightly crazy, throw a dart at the wall forecast? We beat it."

'Giving back to the community is an excellent tax write-off strategy.'

'Damn! McGee's good!'

'We're in good shape. Nobody understands our financial statement.'

'Unfortunately, our computer trading software just sent your money to someone in Nigeria.'

'Gifts are last year. This year it's moving money around to avoid tax.'

"When we went inside the numbers, we found goo."

"We're showing a profit this quarter not even including ill-gotten gains."

"These numbers are way off. But I do like them better than the auditor's numbers."

'Money, money, money, that's the only three things you ever think about.'

Toilets / Bar at accountants conference labelled debits and credits.

Put it through as an expense! Nobody's going to check, are they?