Data Muncher Gifts

"That's a zombie, alright. But he's the worst kind. He doesn't eat brains, he eats data."

Scientist counting microscopic things he can see in his microscope

Movie Awards. Winner. It's been a big night for Ernie! He won three times at the movie-set caterer awards! On one set he made a healthy, refreshing beverage that received rave reviews from the cast and crew. He won the "best pitcher" award for it. Did they say he won for best costumes? No, his dressings won. His sticky buns won also. For "best leading roll" performance, right? No, for best "cinnamontography"!

Why markets crash.

'I tried to warn him - garbage in, garbage out.'

'In a sentence or two, Gibbs.'

Data Extraction Social Media Theme Park

"Another organization has already researched this, but I'm afraid that if we use it, we won't get as much credit."

'I used to trade in futures until I learned the planet doesn't have one.'

Profit slump

"Always faithful to arrive early and, of course, get the dibs on the jelly doughnuts."

Information Tightrope.

People, please listen. I'm talkin 'bout the income gap. The top one percent of Americans get one third of the nation's income, over double what they got in 1980. One-third. The income for the top 0.01% is 196 times the bottom 90%. Your wages have stagnated and the super-duper rich have gotten super-duper richer! How can you possibly swallow your coffee? Because you're making me do math before noon!

"Like you, I'm a bit of a glutton, but I need to monitor my food intake otherwise I could be too heavy to fly..."

"I just spoon-fed the media a pound of really old salmon."

"People mistakenly think that we accountants are all boring number crunchers, but the latest figures show that 54% of the 23% of people who responded to a survey were 45% in favour of us being 12% more interesting than average!"

Exchange Fund

'Rap sheets! All the latest criminal stats! Get your rap sheets here!'

'Look at these accident statistics. What can't the government do something about it?'

'Your manuscript was delicious.'

"Sorry darling, you can't go for a kill tonight. It's census night, it would mess up the data!"

'And Fenwick, those pesky third quarter stats? Don't tweak 'em �' torque 'em!'

"I read the Tibetan Book of the Dead, but I wasn't Enlightened. . . but I did get the munchies."

"They're sound bites."

'We'll take a short break in case anyone needs to change their underwear.'

"The starred items are hot and spicy."

'Haven't you heard? We're not going to discuss the company picnic - this is the company picnic.'

Bit coin.

"Miss Wythenshawe? Can I leave early, my brain is full."

'We only get an hour for lunch, so your best bet is to brown-bag it.'

Theater Usher Moms.

Better phone upstairs for the latest figures.

"Let's not politicize how screwed we are."

'According to our cost-benefit analysis, if you don't come up with the solution by Thursday at 2:30 P.M., you can forget about the whole thing.'

"We've seen all the data and crunched all the numbers, now, heads or tails?"