Coupon Cutter Gifts

"Could you hold off clipping your coupons until I've finished reading the paper?"

Cut Price

"Wait a sec, I have a coupon around here somewhere."

'My wife is going to kill me. All her shopping coupons are in that lost luggage.'

"The only thing that's not gone up is the pound."

Unusual Offers

'I decided to start buying food in bulk. I hope you're hungry!'

"We'll make your wedding reception perfect, and don't forget you get a money-saving coupon for any future divorce parties."

Yes, dear, I remembered the coupons and saved a few dollars. The Adventures of Marriedman.

Welcome all to the monthly gathering of Tightwads United. Hi there. Hello. Hey. On tonight's agenda: Dumpster diving, coupon clipping, and a special lecture. How to carpool while always getting the other person to drive. I'm like a god. Woohoo!! Yeah!!! Clap clap clap clap clap clap clap. Tightwads United.

"Moreover, profits double if we move in with our parents."

'My wife says not to worry. She's convinced she can get me out of here with coupons.'

'I see you've managed to cut your coffee consumption in half.'

"One slice—hold the bread."

'...And it comes with valuable coupons toward your next purchase.'

"I can build it. My price is 300 oxen and a flock of sheep. A roof would be 250 sheep extra."

'Our survey shows there's more confidence in shopping coupons than in the dollar...'

'Do you have any coupons?'

'Darn, all these coupons are expired. We could have saved 50 cents on 9 cans of dog food.' 'We don't have a dog.'

A Valentine's Day IOU Coupon

'It's so frustrating -- all our coupons are expiring!'

'It's so expensive because it doesn't do as much as other computers and it's harder to use.'

"Do you have a dollar menu?"

Sale today - 50% off everything!

'I'm afraid we're going to have to let you go...we've just sourced somebody in Mumbai who's 34% better at being you for 29% less!'

'I'm sure I've forgotten something. I got change from a fifty.'

"We're cutting costs now, so get rid of the petting zoo."

'This cola only has half the calories, so if I only drink half that would be no calories!'

"Who gets the Chateaubriand with the mail-in rebate?"

"I've decided to forgo expensive gifts with acts of apathy."

'They've got a great deal here. When you buy one meal, I get mine half price!'

'You realize, of course, there's nothing wrong with me. . . I'm only here 'cause of your 50%-off-first-visit coupon and I am not a serial bargain shopaholic.'

What You Came In For In The First Place And Forgot Aisle.

"So with 50% sale discount, plus the 30% early bird reduction, a 10% bonus for paying in full and a $100 cash back... we owe you $1.75"

"I've got a lot of stuff, a ton of coupons, and I pay by check, so all you behind me...get comfortable!"