Coupon Cutter Pillows

"Could you hold off clipping your coupons until I've finished reading the paper?"

Cut Price

"Wait a sec, I have a coupon around here somewhere."

'My wife is going to kill me. All her shopping coupons are in that lost luggage.'

"The only thing that's not gone up is the pound."

Unusual Offers

'I decided to start buying food in bulk. I hope you're hungry!'

"We'll make your wedding reception perfect, and don't forget you get a money-saving coupon for any future divorce parties."

"Moreover, profits double if we move in with our parents."

'My wife says not to worry. She's convinced she can get me out of here with coupons.'

'...And it comes with valuable coupons toward your next purchase.'

"One slice—hold the bread."

'I see you've managed to cut your coffee consumption in half.'

"I can build it. My price is 300 oxen and a flock of sheep. A roof would be 250 sheep extra."

'Our survey shows there's more confidence in shopping coupons than in the dollar...'

'Darn, all these coupons are expired. We could have saved 50 cents on 9 cans of dog food.' 'We don't have a dog.'

'It's so frustrating -- all our coupons are expiring!'

"We're cutting costs now, so get rid of the petting zoo."

"Do you have a dollar menu?"

'I'm afraid we're going to have to let you go...we've just sourced somebody in Mumbai who's 34% better at being you for 29% less!'

'I'm sure I've forgotten something. I got change from a fifty.'

Sale today - 50% off everything!

'They've got a great deal here. When you buy one meal, I get mine half price!'

'It's so expensive because it doesn't do as much as other computers and it's harder to use.'

"Who gets the Chateaubriand with the mail-in rebate?"

'Do you have any coupons?'

A Valentine's Day IOU Coupon

"I've decided to forgo expensive gifts with acts of apathy."

'This cola only has half the calories, so if I only drink half that would be no calories!'

What You Came In For In The First Place And Forgot Aisle.

'You realize, of course, there's nothing wrong with me. . . I'm only here 'cause of your 50%-off-first-visit coupon and I am not a serial bargain shopaholic.'

"So with 50% sale discount, plus the 30% early bird reduction, a 10% bonus for paying in full and a $100 cash back... we owe you $1.75"

'Sir, our new automated telephone system saves us $20,000 annually, but our phone business has dropped 66%!'

"I've got a lot of stuff, a ton of coupons, and I pay by check, so all you behind me...get comfortable!"