Calorie Cutter Pillows

'This cola only has half the calories, so if I only drink half that would be no calories!'

'Okay, ladies! We're not just going to burn those calories, we're going to drown them!'

'We must be 50,000 calories away from home by now.'

'I never should have ordered the diet platter.'

Secretive Weigh In.

"I hate it when the damned things decide they need to get out and burn off some calories."

"I hope that's low calorie eye of newt."

'He doesn't ask for a menu... he asks for an estimate!'

"The most I'll splurge on my diet is on a boneless, skinless carrot."

"When portions are this huge, I eat half now and the rest in a few minutes."

All Natural Nothing

"When you've lost fifteen pounds...that's when the refrigerator gets returned!"

"Are these prices?" "No, that's our Calorie-fixe menu."

"I want to leave myself some caloric margin of error for dessert."

'For the first 500 calories of what we are about to receive, make us truly thankful.'

'I won't tell my thighs if you don't..'

'Doesn't it feel good to be taking care of our planet?'

'Diet considerations.'

"If we crunch the numbers, it should have zero calories."

Excess Baggage: Some folks believe that calories consumed during vacation do not count against your diet.

Dieting Motivation.

Sisyphus Sawyer

"I eat a totally plant-based diet and I still can't lose weight."

'I'm putting you on a 'whatever tastes good, don't eat it' diet.'

'Good. Then there's no reason to stay on this diet any longer.'

Extra Rich Cream Cakes

Joe's Weight Gain: 'Hey, Victoria...I like this diet you told me about yesterday...I just lost 2 more while we've been talking.'

'This exotic dessert I make is guilt-free. I already burned all the calories running around finding the ingredients!'

'I'll have one regular cheese-burger from column 'A', and one negative-calories cheese-burger from column 'B'.'

"Would you buy the apple pie for me? I'm on the 'No You Don't!' Diet."

Weight Loss Counselor, out for a 400 calorie lunch.

Calorie averaging...With the oven-fresh trip-el burger, you get one French fry.

Dinosaurs ponder fad dieting prior to extinction.

'Do we have any empty calories in this house!!'