Caloric Cutbacker Pillows

'What you need is some negative growth.'

'Okay, ladies! We're not just going to burn those calories, we're going to drown them!'

This is a great game --- All except for that blimp. It keeps reminding me I've already broken my diet resolution. Pizza. Chips.

"I'm putting you on a high fiber low taste diet."

"If you order from our wellness menu, you get a side of yogurt with every dish."

"And what would you like to regret later?"

'Due to cutbacks on your insurance plan, your visits to Dr. Phil are no longer covered. You'll have to start seeing Physician's Assistant Phil.'

Win-win. Whenever I hear that from you, I want to hide under the counter. New research shows the only proven way to prolong life is caloric restriction. Eat less, live longer. Introducing our new breakfast meal plan: The Fountain of Youth. You get half a muffin and half a glass of water. Sounds meager. Exactly. That's why we're charging $16. But a full muffin only costs $4. And it won't prolong your life. Can you even put a price on immortality? How much should we charge for an empty plate of ai

"One slice—hold the bread."

"We can probably just about afford to run the pilot-light."

Hot dog.

"Gimme a double burger between two burgers. And hold the lettuce; it only dilutes the experience."

"It may not be the lowest cal, but it's low enough cal for me."

'This cola only has half the calories, so if I only drink half that would be no calories!'

'Hello, yes, I'd like to order 200 packs of the sweets you can eat between meals.'

"I'm finding this model very economical!"

'If you feel guilty, I can put our high fat vanilla ice cream in one of our low fat cups.'

"I thought we agreed no midnight snacks?"

'What happened mom? I thought you were on a low-carb diet?'

The Atkins Diet.

'Of course on this new diet, I only count the calories of the food I eat whilst other people are in the room.'

Bake Shop / Crack Co-cake $10.

'I'm going to put you on a low carb diet,'

'Now there's a perfect example of something that's not cost effective. Fire him!'

'Just as I suspected - cheating on our diet!'

Candies and diet pills

Woman walking through a bakery with blinkers on.

"Do you have such a thing as low calorie caramel coffee creams?"

In the calorie family: 'You're home early?'....'Mrs. Harrison has started dieting again!'

'That's why I put on weight! All I eat is carbs!'

'One of these Men's wives has just discovered that you can use 180 kcalories making love.'

On Thursday, I ingested 6,200 calories. On Friday, I spent $1,800 at the mall. Binge and splurge.

'Oh that's why I put on weight - all I eat is carbs!'

'Don't be tempted, Mrs. Gruber, just mail those apple fritters right here to me!'

"I haven't burned this many calories since I forgot the brownies in the oven."