Caloric Cutbacker Pillows

'What you need is some negative growth.'

'Okay, ladies! We're not just going to burn those calories, we're going to drown them!'

"I'm putting you on a high fiber low taste diet."

"And what would you like to regret later?"

"If you order from our wellness menu, you get a side of yogurt with every dish."

"One slice—hold the bread."

'Due to cutbacks on your insurance plan, your visits to Dr. Phil are no longer covered. You'll have to start seeing Physician's Assistant Phil.'

"We can probably just about afford to run the pilot-light."

"It may not be the lowest cal, but it's low enough cal for me."

'Hello, yes, I'd like to order 200 packs of the sweets you can eat between meals.'

'This cola only has half the calories, so if I only drink half that would be no calories!'

"Gimme a double burger between two burgers. And hold the lettuce; it only dilutes the experience."

"I'm finding this model very economical!"

'If you feel guilty, I can put our high fat vanilla ice cream in one of our low fat cups.'

"I thought we agreed no midnight snacks?"

'Of course on this new diet, I only count the calories of the food I eat whilst other people are in the room.'

The Atkins Diet.

'What happened mom? I thought you were on a low-carb diet?'

Bake Shop / Crack Co-cake $10.

'Now there's a perfect example of something that's not cost effective. Fire him!'

'Just as I suspected - cheating on our diet!'

Candies and diet pills

Woman walking through a bakery with blinkers on.

"Do you have such a thing as low calorie caramel coffee creams?"

'Don't be tempted, Mrs. Gruber, just mail those apple fritters right here to me!'

'Oh that's why I put on weight - all I eat is carbs!'

'One of these Men's wives has just discovered that you can use 180 kcalories making love.'

'That's why I put on weight! All I eat is carbs!'

In the calorie family: 'You're home early?'....'Mrs. Harrison has started dieting again!'

"I haven't burned this many calories since I forgot the brownies in the oven."

'No, Madam. I'm afraid we have nothing 'exquisitely delicious' under 350 calories.'