Calorie Curber Pillows

'How come if a product has less, like sugarless, fat free, or fewer calories, it cost more!?'

'Okay, ladies! We're not just going to burn those calories, we're going to drown them!'

Brew 'N' Brouhaha

Actual Extent Of Doug's Off - Road Adventures (Touching the kerb)

"And what would you like to regret later?"

"One slice—hold the bread."

'We're cutting you some slack because you just died but normally we frown on devil's food.'

Chef's Surprise: "I'm telling everyone that tonight's special is Osso Bucco."

"I'm sorry, but Chef Scott feels he's moved beyond that concept."

'Hello, yes, I'd like to order 200 packs of the sweets you can eat between meals.'

'This cola only has half the calories, so if I only drink half that would be no calories!'

"It may not be the lowest cal, but it's low enough cal for me."

"I avoid the 3 'Bs' when I'm dieting - boxes, buckets and bags."

"Sealed for your diets protection."

Excess Baggage: Some folks believe that calories consumed during vacation do count against your diet.

Rational explanations

'If you feel guilty, I can put our high fat vanilla ice cream in one of our low fat cups.'

"Cough cough"

"I'd like to lose 35%of me!"

The Atkins Diet.

"Do we have to go Dutch tonight, Arnie? I fancy a Chinese."

'What happened mom? I thought you were on a low-carb diet?'

Personal Calorie Counter

'This diet is killing me! -- Last night I dreamed that I ate Willy Wonka!'

"Our computers are down, so I can't look it up. If I had to guess, I would say, yes, that is fattening."

"Actually, you're in excellent health. The only thing I recommend is that you cut back on carbs...and that means cutting back on your favorite dishes."

"I'm doing this for you, my loves."

'What you need is some negative growth.'

"...And a 'Death by Chocolate' for Madame..."

Candies and diet pills

Woman walking through a bakery with blinkers on.