Calorie Curber Gifts

'How come if a product has less, like sugarless, fat free, or fewer calories, it cost more!?'

'Okay, ladies! We're not just going to burn those calories, we're going to drown them!'

Brew 'N' Brouhaha

Actual Extent Of Doug's Off - Road Adventures (Touching the kerb)

Look! There's a photo of our eco club's Earth Day actions in the newspaper! Sports. Power up the green machine!! I could use more copies. Me too. They're going to really power up my college applications.

"And what would you like to regret later?"

"One slice—hold the bread."

'We're cutting you some slack because you just died but normally we frown on devil's food.'

Chef's Surprise: "I'm telling everyone that tonight's special is Osso Bucco."

"I'm sorry, but Chef Scott feels he's moved beyond that concept."

Win-win. Whenever I hear that from you, I want to hide under the counter. New research shows the only proven way to prolong life is caloric restriction. Eat less, live longer. Introducing our new breakfast meal plan: The Fountain of Youth. You get half a muffin and half a glass of water. Sounds meager. Exactly. That's why we're charging $16. But a full muffin only costs $4. And it won't prolong your life. Can you even put a price on immortality? How much should we charge for an empty plate of ai

Hot dog.

'Hello, yes, I'd like to order 200 packs of the sweets you can eat between meals.'

"I avoid the 3 'Bs' when I'm dieting - boxes, buckets and bags."

"It may not be the lowest cal, but it's low enough cal for me."

'This cola only has half the calories, so if I only drink half that would be no calories!'

"Sealed for your diets protection."

"Cough cough"

Excess Baggage: Some folks believe that calories consumed during vacation do count against your diet.

Rational explanations

'If you feel guilty, I can put our high fat vanilla ice cream in one of our low fat cups.'

"I'd like to lose 35%of me!"

"Do we have to go Dutch tonight, Arnie? I fancy a Chinese."

I'm using fossil fuel.

'What happened mom? I thought you were on a low-carb diet?'

The Atkins Diet.

Personal Calorie Counter

"Actually, you're in excellent health. The only thing I recommend is that you cut back on carbs...and that means cutting back on your favorite dishes."

"Our computers are down, so I can't look it up. If I had to guess, I would say, yes, that is fattening."

'What you need is some negative growth.'

'This diet is killing me! -- Last night I dreamed that I ate Willy Wonka!'

"I'm doing this for you, my loves."

"...And a 'Death by Chocolate' for Madame..."

Candies and diet pills

Woman walking through a bakery with blinkers on.