Calorie Crusher Gifts

Woman walking through a bakery with blinkers on.

'Okay, ladies! We're not just going to burn those calories, we're going to drown them!'

"Alan had to work all night on his presentation....this is what 17 espressos does to him."

'I burned my fingers by touching the hot breakfast eggs, but next time, I'll peel them before I put them into boiling water!'

'I'm partially passing my Meteorology course.'

An intergalactic oat bran cluster, about to significantly lower Earth's average cholesterol level.

"Let me stop you right there. Look, you're paid to keep the competition out of our territory. I don't need to hear all the grizzly details."

'This cola only has half the calories, so if I only drink half that would be no calories!'

'Making a profit was a lot easier before so many countries abandoned socialism and started competing!'

'Well, we made it.'

"Sealed for your diets protection."

'Sometimes the boss exerts too much pressure about meeting a project deadline.'

'If you feel guilty, I can put our high fat vanilla ice cream in one of our low fat cups.'

"Cough cough"

'It happens to a lot of runners at this stage of the marathon, George. It;s called 'hitting the wall'...'

"You've hit your goals so well that I wanted to bring by your Christmas bonus."

"It's make it or break it time. All in favor of breaking it?"

'This diet is killing me! -- Last night I dreamed that I ate Willy Wonka!'

"Our computers are down, so I can't look it up. If I had to guess, I would say, yes, that is fattening."

"Can you give me about 5 minutes? I'm about to beat this level!"

'Ben doesn't know what to do between hunting season and fishing season, so he shot February.'

"I just gave her 100 Candy Crush lives so she won't be seeing anybody for a while."

'Don't be tempted, Mrs. Gruber, just mail those apple fritters right here to me!'

"One man's trash is another man's treasure. But in your case, another man's trash is ow your trash."

The World As Most People See It....The World As Scientists See it!

I still think the anti-personnel mines are a bit over the top.

'I'm putting you on the 'Don't eat so damn much' diet.'

"No, you can't be anything you want when you grow up. You're a moose."

'No, Madam. I'm afraid we have nothing 'exquisitely delicious' under 350 calories.'