Culinary Crusher Gifts

'I burned my fingers by touching the hot breakfast eggs, but next time, I'll peel them before I put them into boiling water!'

'Okay, ladies! We're not just going to burn those calories, we're going to drown them!'

Sam's Gym. My problem is I can't get the body I want with the body I've got!

"Alan had to work all night on his presentation....this is what 17 espressos does to him."

Vegetarian Birthdays.

Ethnic food springing out of a menu.

'Are you the guy who put gluten in the bread?'

'I'm partially passing my Meteorology course.'

An intergalactic oat bran cluster, about to significantly lower Earth's average cholesterol level.

Win-win. Whenever I hear that from you, I want to hide under the counter. New research shows the only proven way to prolong life is caloric restriction. Eat less, live longer. Introducing our new breakfast meal plan: The Fountain of Youth. You get half a muffin and half a glass of water. Sounds meager. Exactly. That's why we're charging $16. But a full muffin only costs $4. And it won't prolong your life. Can you even put a price on immortality? How much should we charge for an empty plate of ai

Pin-atas

"They're going to print a retraction - your desserts are not inconsistent."

"Let me stop you right there. Look, you're paid to keep the competition out of our territory. I don't need to hear all the grizzly details."

Creative Writing. I've learned a lot in this class. I used to use cliches like they were going out of style, but now I wouldn't touch one with a ten-foot pole.

"I'm thinking of switching to an all vegan diet...based on carrots...mainly carrots..."

'Making a profit was a lot easier before so many countries abandoned socialism and started competing!'

'There's a pork roast in the oven and a casserole in the microwave....two minutes on high.'

'Well, we made it.'

'Sometimes the boss exerts too much pressure about meeting a project deadline.'

Mexican Seasoning Mix Mines / Polynesian Sauce Works

The Short, Brutal Existence Of Pinata Candy.

"I will avenge the underdone fish that ruined my dinner if it's the last thing I ever do."

'He eats his yogurt and carrot sticks out of a grease-stained brown bag to preserve his macho image.'

HEAD CHEF - A chef collects the heads of the chefs that rank below him.

Traditional chefs revolt against new 'Robo-chef'' technology.

"You've hit your goals so well that I wanted to bring by your Christmas bonus."

"The usual"

'I'll have the chopped steak, without bacterial contamination and without mad cow virus.'

"When you're ready to order, ask for me by name. We work on commission."

"How's your blogging going?"

'Jamie Oliver has a lot to answer for!'

"Some manage with a carrot, and others, with a stick. I find success with both."

"Dad, don't you think it's time for glasses?"

Anders Iniesta

'You haven't been eating your carrots, have you?'