Cliche Crusher Gifts

Creative Writing. I've learned a lot in this class. I used to use cliches like they were going out of style, but now I wouldn't touch one with a ten-foot pole.

"Bert, I'm confused. What happens after we circle the wagons, tighten our belts and walk a mile in our customer's shoes? Is that when the chickens come home to roost?"

"The cat told me to eat your homework."

'Let's start out with cliches and pithy slogans - and work our way up to wisdom ...OK?'

Countervailing Clichés.

'Congratulations! It's a bouncing baby boy!'

"Repeat after me: We are delivering the proactive core value promises and rolling out our real time best practice action plan going forward ..."

The Devil's in the detail!

'It was a dark and stormy night. Also, there was a Catch-22.'

'Here's the good news. 'Happy camper' and 'are we having fun yet' have been added to the official list of banned cliches.'

'I burned my fingers by touching the hot breakfast eggs, but next time, I'll peel them before I put them into boiling water!'

'It's negative attention ... as long as you keep asking why, they'll keep on doing it.'

Mystery Writing 101 - Mailbox: The butler did it, the gardener, the chauffeur.

"No, I don't believe youth is wasted on the young. I believe money is."

Steve found himself on his travels.

"Hello darling, what do you do for a living?"

Cliche Amusement Park. This park is no fun at all --- It's too much like real life! Look, that ride is called "The Emotional Roller Coaster." Over there is "Life's Ups and Downs"! ... and "The Mood Swings"! Look! The good old "Tunnel of Love"! Finally! A ride that's just a fun escape! Out of ardor. "Out of ardor" --- More real life. (Published originally Sept. 4, 2005.)

Good stripper cop / Bad stripper cop

"If all you have is a whatchamacallit then every problem looks like a thingamajig."

"Milton Woolburg, founder of traditions, legends, and general flimlam."

'Lookout, here comes another boatload of cartoonists.'

Leopards do change their spots

'This doesn't work as a heart-felt plea for world peace, but with some astute editing, it might be great on a greeting card.'

"Thanks for your introductory speech at the conference. By the way, Hibblemeyer, it's 'hard-headed' businessman, not 'thick-headed'."

'Too many cliches? Now hold your horses!'

"There are far too many balls in your court, Brintner!"

"There is such a thing as a free lunch-it just tastes bad."

'Reserved' (presumably for little miss muffet)

A panhandler with a sign that reads "I'll never work in this town again!".

"Always a bridesmaid..."

"Herewith, we recommend the following: when you're up to your rear in alligators, it's worth remembering your original purpose was to drain the swamp...."

Jeffrey N.: The Guy who managed to get the lead out of his pants, but they were still the wrong pants.

'I need an officer to respond to a report of a stolen donut truck.'

"Take us to your feeder."

'Hmmm, the 27th you say... Yes, I'm away that day, so I guess it's OK for you to play...'