Cliche Humorist Gifts

"I'll make a deal with you. You don't push my buttons, and I won't pull your strings."

"Here's a funny joke for you. A bartender walks into a barn..."

'Come off there Brian! You look such a cliche!'

'Am I being too suspicious or do you think it's possible that they're crooked?'

"You're going to hate yourself."

"Let's face it. The only play you've ever liked is 'Stop the World - I Want to Get Off.'"

'Congratulations! It's a bouncing baby boy!'

Countervailing Clichés.

Snowyphus

First we thought the apes would conquer the world...When in reality we've been busy mining the end of the world all along.

'It's not as easy as you think - saddle sores, bursitis in the shoulder, pigeons...'

'It was a dark and stormy night. Also, there was a Catch-22.'

"Hello darling, what do you do for a living?"

"Oh no! This chimney needs re-pointing."

"I'll cross any ocean to fight for our country! I'll travel to the gates of hell to defend our rights!"

Mystery Writing 101 - Mailbox: The butler did it, the gardener, the chauffeur.

"...And since the cure is worse than the disease, we can make more money by developing a cure for that!"

"Milton Woolburg, founder of traditions, legends, and general flimlam."

'This doesn't work as a heart-felt plea for world peace, but with some astute editing, it might be great on a greeting card.'

"Thanks for your introductory speech at the conference. By the way, Hibblemeyer, it's 'hard-headed' businessman, not 'thick-headed'."

"Half full, or half empty? Do you want a positive spin, or a negative spin?"

The hero dramatically rides off into the sunset.

"Always a bridesmaid..."

"America hasn't been discovered yet -- how about cheddar?"

'I've turned another corner in my life.' 'One more corner and you'll be back where you started.'

"But is it art ?"

Clancy: Hard Work Never Killed Anybody

We all know we're up against a new ball game, a paradigm shift and a game changer, but luckily the cliches remain the same.

"You're looking for love in all the wrong places, Harold."

This plaque commemorates the trees that was cut down to make space for this bench.

'Yes, I broke that campaign promise, but it was never NOTARIZED!'

Oink.

'Instead of the usual boring campaign speech, folks, I'm going to make some balloon animals!'

"Ah, damn. Now I'll be triggered all morning."