Cliche Humorist Gifts

"I'll make a deal with you. You don't push my buttons, and I won't pull your strings."

"Here's a funny joke for you. A bartender walks into a barn..."

'Come off there Brian! You look such a cliche!'

'Am I being too suspicious or do you think it's possible that they're crooked?'

"You're going to hate yourself."

"Let's face it. The only play you've ever liked is 'Stop the World - I Want to Get Off.'"

Countervailing Clichés.

'Congratulations! It's a bouncing baby boy!'

Snowyphus

First we thought the apes would conquer the world...When in reality we've been busy mining the end of the world all along.

'It's not as easy as you think - saddle sores, bursitis in the shoulder, pigeons...'

'It was a dark and stormy night. Also, there was a Catch-22.'

Mystery Writing 101 - Mailbox: The butler did it, the gardener, the chauffeur.

"Oh no! This chimney needs re-pointing."

"Hello darling, what do you do for a living?"

"I'll cross any ocean to fight for our country! I'll travel to the gates of hell to defend our rights!"

Cliche Amusement Park. This park is no fun at all --- It's too much like real life! Look, that ride is called "The Emotional Roller Coaster." Over there is "Life's Ups and Downs"! ... and "The Mood Swings"! Look! The good old "Tunnel of Love"! Finally! A ride that's just a fun escape! Out of ardor. "Out of ardor" --- More real life. (Published originally Sept. 4, 2005.)

"...And since the cure is worse than the disease, we can make more money by developing a cure for that!"

"Half full, or half empty? Do you want a positive spin, or a negative spin?"

"Thanks for your introductory speech at the conference. By the way, Hibblemeyer, it's 'hard-headed' businessman, not 'thick-headed'."

'This doesn't work as a heart-felt plea for world peace, but with some astute editing, it might be great on a greeting card.'

"Milton Woolburg, founder of traditions, legends, and general flimlam."

The hero dramatically rides off into the sunset.

'I've turned another corner in my life.' 'One more corner and you'll be back where you started.'

Clancy: Hard Work Never Killed Anybody

"America hasn't been discovered yet -- how about cheddar?"

"Always a bridesmaid..."

You're a man of the world, Mort. You've seen things in your time, haven't you? I've seen things that would curl your toes. I've seen dust as tall as mountains sweep across the plains. I've seen a swami mystic turn a dying beggar into a soaring dove on the banks of the Ganges. I've seen Republicans and Democrats work together to pass legislation that moved America forward. You had me until you got to that fairy tale. I've seen a time when houses cost just twice your annual income.

"But is it art ?"

We all know we're up against a new ball game, a paradigm shift and a game changer, but luckily the cliches remain the same.

"Ah, damn. Now I'll be triggered all morning."

This plaque commemorates the trees that was cut down to make space for this bench.

"Condense this down to a series of memes and we'll take another look at it."

"You're looking for love in all the wrong places, Harold."

'Yes, I broke that campaign promise, but it was never NOTARIZED!'