Calorie Crushers Pillows

'Okay, ladies! We're not just going to burn those calories, we're going to drown them!'

'I burned my fingers by touching the hot breakfast eggs, but next time, I'll peel them before I put them into boiling water!'

"Alan had to work all night on his presentation....this is what 17 espressos does to him."

'I'm partially passing my Meteorology course.'

An intergalactic oat bran cluster, about to significantly lower Earth's average cholesterol level.

"Let me stop you right there. Look, you're paid to keep the competition out of our territory. I don't need to hear all the grizzly details."

'This cola only has half the calories, so if I only drink half that would be no calories!'

'Making a profit was a lot easier before so many countries abandoned socialism and started competing!'

'Well, we made it.'

"Sealed for your diets protection."

"Cough cough"

'If you feel guilty, I can put our high fat vanilla ice cream in one of our low fat cups.'

'Sometimes the boss exerts too much pressure about meeting a project deadline.'

'It happens to a lot of runners at this stage of the marathon, George. It;s called 'hitting the wall'...'

Solicitor Reading House Deeds

"It's make it or break it time. All in favor of breaking it?"

"You've hit your goals so well that I wanted to bring by your Christmas bonus."

"Our computers are down, so I can't look it up. If I had to guess, I would say, yes, that is fattening."

'This diet is killing me! -- Last night I dreamed that I ate Willy Wonka!'

Woman walking through a bakery with blinkers on.

I still think the anti-personnel mines are a bit over the top.

'I'm putting you on the 'Don't eat so damn much' diet.'

"Can you give me about 5 minutes? I'm about to beat this level!"

"One man's trash is another man's treasure. But in your case, another man's trash is ow your trash."

'Don't be tempted, Mrs. Gruber, just mail those apple fritters right here to me!'

"I just gave her 100 Candy Crush lives so she won't be seeing anybody for a while."

'Ben doesn't know what to do between hunting season and fishing season, so he shot February.'

"Don't grind your teeth. That's my job."