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'If you saw the car coming, why didn't you honk?'

'Are we nearly there yet?'

It's only firing on 87 cylinders!

'Well, the good news is; You won't need to tax and insure it.'

"You might be interested in our encounter group for people with transmission problems."

'It's a Volksvegan...it runs on vegetable oil!'

'Beware of SUV.'

"This is Siri. No, you're not there yet!"

'There goes the squeak in your brakes, Mrs. Ferguson.'

'Oh I could fix it for under fifty bucks, but I just couldn't live with myself knowing that someday you might need a whole new engine.'

'It's a British car. Needs braces.'

If a motorist came bursting through the doors...would he be up for damages?

For every dog who gets the window seat, there's Steve, the designated driver.

'If I were you, I'd leave the keys in the ignition and hope someone steals it.'

"Your new car won't start? Oh, well, umm…that's just the car's Collision Avoidance System kicking in. It doesn't want you to hit anything today."

No U-turns

"A kiss? But I just brushed my teeth."

Australian Sat Nav - 'Straight on mate'.

Pine tree driving a truck with a human-shaped air freshener hanging off the mirror

Frog rearview mirror ornaments.

'Seems like we're all too old, unfit, overweight. . .'

Bumper sticker reads: 'I'd rather be text messaging.'

"We did everything possible, doc, but I'm afraid your car passed away during the night!"

"These new cars have so many sensors, they're ticklish."

'Why can't you ride under the dash like other airbags?'

"They said it had a V-8, so I assumed it would run on tomato juice!"

"I saw the guy who cut me off on the highway get pulled over by a police officer!"

Driver with a rear view mirror attached to his forehead.

'Sorry. No trade-ins.'

'This model runs on antibiotics.'

Parking? I don't think so.

The Magician world's version of Fluffy dice.

Discussed on Car Talk