Car Conversation Connoisseur T-Shirts

"A kiss? But I just brushed my teeth."

Vehicles are having their own election. These are the candidates. The ambulance appeals to voters who think health care is most important. Voters focusing on education issues favor the school bus. And those wanting family-friendly policies are backing the minivan. The tractor is an expert on agricultural issues, and the import is a free trade advocate. Those voters concerned about environmental issues like the electric hybrid, and those wanting a strong military support the Jeep. What's t

"I hear you bought a new classic car."

Men gossiping

It's great for pulling the birds!

"I guess when your husband dies you'll really understand what they mean by a statistical death."

"This car is very fast and very expensive. Just how bad is your midlife crisis?"

Counselor. It's annoying that he always has to have the second-to-last word

"No, no, that’s in a bar, Mr. President — you can talk politics and religion here."

I want a car that says 'I've arrived' but didn't use too much gas getting there.

"Nope! He'd never set eyes on a water cooler in all his years in the office!"

"I like them. They hate the same things we do."

White Wine Wisdom (2)

The Hybrid

Can I ask you a question, man-to-man? Sure, little buddy. What do "man-to-man talks" usually consist of? What? I've never really had one, I don't think. What usually goes into them? Sports? Shaving? Carburetors? A little of this, a little of that. There's a proper ratio, of course. I'm not good at math.

Bookshop: Our Bestsellers - Empty Phrases

"Now version of 'Des Knaben Wunderhorn'."

'Yeah, but this time she just said no -- there wasn't any hysterical laughter!'

'There goes the squeak in your brakes, Mrs. Ferguson.'

"I said, you know why women talk more than men?" "What?" "I said, you know why women talk more than men..." "What?"

"We should probably talk about the elephant in the Roomba."

'Oh I could fix it for under fifty bucks, but I just couldn't live with myself knowing that someday you might need a whole new engine.'

"Hold that afterthought!"

Auto Assembly. Ernie, I think they fired you because you were assigned to the assembly line but ere often at the high-speed test facility. I'm ambitious. I wanted to be on the fast track. Why did you remove brakes from cars? An article I read said that to achieve success you should "pull out all the stops." And I unnecessarily drove cars around the plant to show the bosses that I'm willing to "go the extra mile." But why did you refuse to deliver components to the assembly line? The arti

'This is our real-time chat room.'

"He says he's a Professor of Rhetoric but I'm not persuaded."

"NOBODY LISTENS ANYMORE."

"There's a kind of rhythm to making money that something inside me responds to."

'You do obscenity very well. Can you talk without being obscene as well?'

"I want one that's going to fall apart. . ."

"She never has a bad word to say about anyone, she's always too busy talking about herself..."

"The demise of psychoanalysis? Yes, I saw it coming but you know how it is... denial... repression... projection... compartmentalisation..."

"So, have you two been doing anything reproductive?"

"Richard has quite an ear for dialogue."

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