Car Crash Commentator Gifts

'Maybe his name is Sue?'

I think I may have scratched your car Capt. McRae...

"I didn't see the coffee table in the middle of the room, due to my visual impairment, caused by the rubbish light emitted by the government approved 150 watt energy saving bulb in my apartment..."

'Gentlemen, I'd like to introduce you to our new 'health and safety' officer.'

"It's a narrative I didn't intend."

'Doctor, your road rage patient is here.'

"Arrghh! - I came around the corner and tripped over that sign!"

"Sorry! Traffic was awful and also I left really late."

'That is one nasty whiplash!'

"The people who hate trucks as environmentally destructive traffic obstacles and think that drivers are grubby idiots are waiting for their goods!"

I don't know why, but I never seem to win the close races.

'How was my emergency stop?'

Crash Test Dummy Jokes that Get Old Fast. Oh, no! Somebody cut the brakes! Every single time.

"Sir, I'm afraid there's no easy way to say this..."

Cluster Catastrophe

'I swear this self driving car is falsifying it's records to avoid an insurance rate hike."

"And hold the mayo."

'Do you remember what make of car it was, sir? -- We'll have to order parts.'

'It doesn't work...'

'I can't understand it. I was driving one way on a one way street.'

"Wanting traffic to slow down, we don't post pothole warning signs."

'Business has doubled since we organized that women's beach volleyball tournament across the street.'

'We have a new tribe member everyone. We will call him'Crashes-His-Volvo.'

'Don't get involved.'

Man crashes his car before leaving the driveway because he forgot his glasses.

Highway: tourist and resident traps.

"I'd like 40 kilos of pain killers, please."

'Oh, no -- not again!'

"Of all the vehicles in heaven and you had to rear-end his car?"

'Who? Boson? Higgs Boson? Hey, where the hell have you been hiding?'

'Bob, call you back. A big auto body job just drove in.'

'Look dad! - Mercedes bends!'

Bumper stickers in the Demolition Derby.

"Don't worry. The mechanic says he can fix the car as soon as he gets it out of the wall."

"Wow! I didn't think we were going to make it through that gap!"