Home Accident Commentator Gifts

"I didn't see the coffee table in the middle of the room, due to my visual impairment, caused by the rubbish light emitted by the government approved 150 watt energy saving bulb in my apartment..."

Girl who can't cook meets guys who can't fix stuff.

Mulching Vacuum Cleaner

"Hang on, I know I came into the kitchen for something..."

"You overwatered the plant, again."

"It's a narrative I didn't intend."

"The good news is it's brightening up..."

"We've completely child-proofed our home."

"Sorry! Traffic was awful and also I left really late."

"Let's pick up our cars now, 'kay Puddin'?"

"The people who hate trucks as environmentally destructive traffic obstacles and think that drivers are grubby idiots are waiting for their goods!"

'You said to call back if the gas problem got worse.'

"Honey, your radon testing kit is here."

"Which area of the house is the most dangerous? A. Your wet bathroom, B. Your dirty kitchen, or C. Your cluttered garage?"

"Knock! Knock! Who's there? What, seriously? You mean you haven't installed personal security cameras?"

'You called a plumber!'

Cluster Catastrophe

"Dad went back in to get the smoke alarm and the receipt."

"Wanting traffic to slow down, we don't post pothole warning signs."

Leaking washing machine.

"I think you should turn the water temperature down a bit. The water melted through the tub and then through the floor."

'It doesn't get nearly enough sun here, but it sure keeps the kids from sliding down the bannister.'

Fire Alarm

House hanging on cliff with 'FILL WANTED' sign.

'Darn! The wife is gonna kill me for not reading the label.'

I think I may have scratched your car Capt. McRae...

'You'll have to wait until I find my keys.'

'It finally happened. We have so many dishes in the sink with unidentifiable crud stuck to them that they spontaneously combusted.'

Typical Taurus.

'I'll call 911, and I'd advise you to get rid of that trampoline.'

"Did we switch everything off before we left?"

Highway: tourist and resident traps.

"Watch out for the fourth step."

'Maybe his name is Sue?'

'Good evening sir,I'm doing a survey on home security.'