Captains Of Industry Gifts

"I believe around the offices I'm referred to as the rich, fat, b***ard. I like it."

'He's a self-made man - he did it without the media.'

Corporate Helmsmanship

"In light of current circumstances, I shall forego my annual bonus."

"You're invited to our management excursion. Come dresses as a pinata."

"This is a merit-based organization! Can't you see I’ve hired the very best and most qualified yes-men money can buy?"

"Can I savor this for a few moments? The ball's never been in my court before!"

The Businessmen Have to Make Decisions from Many Options

"We need to make some cuts. We'll start with integrity, accountability, openness, and transparency."

"I was just going to say, 'Well, I don't make the rules.' But, of course, I do make the rules."

"Another job well done by your conflict resolution specialist."

Businessman on stilts: 'I had to step over a lot of people to get where I am today.'

"I've never said this to a woman before, but here goes: We're not paying you enough."

Nothing Succeeds Like Confidence.

'Shhhh. Fido inherited seventy percent of this company.'

'We're finding out that those 'wrongs' we made 'right' were actually right after all.'

'We're here to carbon date your company's carbon footprint.'

CEO with SEO

'Being the boss's yes-man used to be easier. Now you also have to 'like' him on facebook, follow him on Twitter, link with him on linked-in...'

"That's Paul, he's our head of partnerships..."

'The portrait is a mark of his extreme egotism, but, if you curtsy and bow sufficiently...say, 'Oh Yes Sir!'!, to everything he says, you should do OK'

"We're pleased to announce that your company has shrewdly traded a cow for some magic beans." some ma

'Got to admit,as far as mission statements go, it's pretty damn bold.'

"The announcement of the changes really went well."

After a day long meeting, the decision, as usual, is made in the hallway.

"Does anyone here have a clue what it is we used to get?"

"You can all unroll yourselves now. We're heading back up."

"I appreciate your devices that make it seem like you're paying attention, but could you actually pay attention and make eye contact so I know you are?"

"It looks like the 'because I say so' has it."

"This is Briggs, our new department head. He's got an amazing knack for reducing complex problems into easy-to-understand witch hunts!"

'Miss Pym, we've made a smaller loss than last year, order me a much larger desk.'

'We've just become the biggest corporation in America.. let's celebrate today and begin downsizing tomorrow.'

Buisnessman Of The Hour - I'd like to introduce our guest but he is 45 minutes late

'I really wish you guys would knock that off.'

"'Meetingpalooza' sounded better in the brochure."