Captain Of Leisure Gifts

"Smoothest sailing I ever experienced."

"I think I've figured out why we can't find the marina."

Captain in a storm

"I AM at my usual position."

"Yes I know, and you dropped sauce on your shirt."

Hamish Harris. The boy bon vivant.

'If we get out of this alive, I'm going to have a darn good look at your resume.'

"Sorry, Rick, but no thongs means no thongs."

'He usually doesn't follow medical advice, but when the doctor told him to learn to relax...'

'Well, it wasn't my lucky day... first there was that shark and then I bimped into a bunch of beaver!'

Welsh airport arrivals.

Captain Corcoran, Commander of H.M.S. Pinafore

Captain looks out of a porthole and notices that the ship is sinking.

'I like to greet the new team members myself.'

'Trust me, you're not going to need an alarm clock.'

"This crew gets 15 miles to the pound of gruel. They're very fuel efficient."

"Awwwk! Mutiny is a go! Pass it on! Awwk!"

"Fetch me another Sculpin IPA."

"The Captain really, really hates losing at shuffleboard."

It became increasingly difficult for the captain to reward his crew and still maintain his ferocious reputation.

"How can you feel queasy, we're barely out of port."

'Captain, we're going to have to ask you to stop spiking the ball.'

Captain Ahab (Ret.)

Biliard Enthusiast

'My husband likes to have everything handy during TV commercials.'

'Captain, there's someone pissing in the hold!'

Verbal Orders

Working from home to-do list.

"A storm rages from the East - tell the men to get below and snuggle up for movie night."

'Something tells me asking him to delay his retirement may be futile.'

What really happened on the EVER GIVEN

"He walked in, said he was a visiting scholar, and made himself at home."

Solemn Reference is Made to Mr Bunsby

The crew can no longer tolerate Captain Bligh's ruthless splitting of infinitives."

"Get those decks cleaned you swabs!..."