Captain Gifts

'This is my new boat. I finally succumbed to pier pressure.'

'That's New.'

'The tip of the iceberg.'

"Don't make eye contact..."

"Admit it, we're nowhere near Penzance!"

The Nor'easter Bunny.

It became increasingly difficult for the captain to reward his crew and still maintain his ferocious reputation.

'What do you mean the men are unhappy! What on earth gives you that idea?'

'Captain! There aren't enough noodles!!' - (Ship- ACME Novelty Co,)

'The most expensive thing about his boat is his hat.'

'You remind me of the ocean. . . you make me sick.'

In his later years, Redbeard's hearing was to fail him.

'Have you ever noticed how similar the words maroon and moron are?'

"How can you feel queasy, we're barely out of port."

'What I need now is a good publicist...'

Ye Old Mariners Inn.

Solemn Reference is Made to Mr Bunsby

'Captain? The boat is listing badly.'

"I know your rations include two limes a day, but please don't do that with them."

'No offence, Captain, but two's company, three's a crowd!'

"Isn't that other plane awfully close?"

"Look, I'm the bobblehead of this team."

Welsh airport arrivals.

Horatio Nelson on deck looking through telescope.

"Take him back to the boat. He can still hold a winch handle."

Captain Ahab (Ret.)

The crew can no longer tolerate Captain Bligh's ruthless splitting of infinitives."

"I just don't know if I have the energy to meet new people."

'A team meeting in 20 minutes seems appropriate.'

"Damn it, doesn't anybody on this ship have depth perception?"

"And when I turned around, there was the biggest shark you ever seen!"

'I got dressed in the dark.'

Captain of ship, surrounded by rough drafts and scrunched-up pieces of paper, says: 'Dammit bosun, we can't set sail without a coherent mission statement.'

'What do you mean the men are unhappy! What on earth gives you that idea?'

"I used to have tattoos. They're a lot easier to get than to have removed."