Canvas Critique Gifts

'Then he had a near death experience...'

"I think that's one of his early 'blank canvases'. I think there are some bigger ones in the next room."

'It's called 'Oh Bugger It!' if you must know!'

(Camel paintings)

"Well....I could've done this!"

'I love my new easylife artist's easel.'

"What the %@!!* is that?!" "Is that a leg? Wait—no, it's an arm. Wait—what?" "The frame is nice." "Whatever it is, it makes me miss Bob Ross." "Gasp!" "The intentionally lost Caravaggio"

Cat with Nine Still Lives

"Is it me, or is Jasper Johns a genius?" "Über-genius, Larry. Über!"

The Rise of Modern Art

'Nice, but it needs more angst.'

"No - you’re right. It’s dumb."

"I like it, honey ... it speaks to what a waste of time your MFA was."

Art Plagiarism

"The subaqueous qualities of the biomorphic forms spacially undermine the larger metaphorical resonance of the mark-making."

"He's left out the staples"

Couple painting each other - one turns to the other and says, 'Hon, let's hire a model.'

"It's called 'Sold'."

Artistic License

Jackson Pollock makes a mistake: 'Guess I'll have to start over.'

'I can't tell the kitch from the schlock any more.'

Trash-talkin' artists

'Stupido Digitale! Chucka me a sloppy brush, there's a gooda chap.'

'The artist did this one during his 'I've got no idea' - period.'

How Art Works.

Tilted painting

"Is this 'pollocks'."

"This one will go with everything,

"You've once said about your work, 'Meow, meow-meow, meeeow.' What did you mean by that?"

"Apparently he only uses fugitive colours."

It finally happened, models so thin they only consist of few molecules.

'Turned out non-figurative again...'

Guillaume Apollinaire

The painting Painter

"I'm expected to write a good review of this stuff... So here I go with some confusing art rhetoric."