Cantering Staff Gifts

'They're not mints - they're antacid tablets.'

'What sort of mission statement is that?'

Multi-tasking.

"The president demands that staff take responsibility for failures, and the multi-trillion deficit is down to YOU!"

'These are job perks.'

Turtle Hat

'The ultimate sign of success is when no one puts you on hold.'

'Say, our stress control seminar worked! Our sales are way down...but so what if they are.'

Stressed employee says to colleague: 'I think I'm on top of the situation and I hope I'm in the loop, but I can't seem to get ahead of the curve.'

'Congratulations Smith, you got that promotion. Commiserations Reid, you got that demotion.'

'Once, long ago, I thought I was wrong...but it turned out I was mistaken.'

Though Mr. Frackman had yet to say a word, Bill sensed he was about to receive a particularly lousy performance review.

Busy office.

'Normally, I would give credit where credit is due but we're in a credit crunch. Therefore, I will take all the credit for your hard work on this project.'

'You obviously took my suggestion to reduce stress to the extreme.'

Brainstorm in progress.

"I'm giving you a 300% salary increase, and four months paid leave."

The role of administration.

Sales.

"The after-dinner mint is the boss's idea. I think it's superfluous."

'Brains...brains...brains...'

'It was at this point that the executive group began its hatha flow retreats.'

"I intend to stay in this job, come Hell or high water."

'Look Jefferson, much as I respect your emphasis of the informal approach...'

'At this juncture in my presentation, I'd like to dispense with the illusion of coherence.'

'Stevens, get in here. I need a few minutes with the left side of your brain.'

"I'm glad you felt able to get that off your chest...now could we discuss next year's targets?"

Around here it got a little tricky...

'And Steven here takes care of the donkey work.'

Well, she certainly is one of our more positive employees!

'Miss Hartley, implement me a coffee and a cheese danish.'

'It's my spare tire. Why do you ask?'

Occupant.

'Miss Chambers, requisition me some more clout.'

Here's a new Blackberry with a special silent alarm that vibrates and delivers a small electrical shock. We call it the Gooseberry.