Canine Comprehension Pillows

'Oh, I just knew that darned obedience school was a mistake!'

"There's really not much to obedience school. Just listen up and do what they say."

"For the girls—Kimberly, Caitlin, Lauren, Cindy, and Tracy. For the boys—Cameron, Christopher, Adam, Jeffrey, and Gregory."

"When I first arrived, Young Master was always with me and Old Master didn't want anything to do with me, nor it's the opposite: Go figure..."

"Ever feel like even when you're barking at something you're still barking at nothing?"

"Lenny?" "Darrell?"

"Look, he just wants to apologize for scaring the daylights out of you yesterday. ... Mr. Squirrel? ..."

"I've told you why I need a dog. Now suppose you tell me what makes you think you might be that dog."

"Hello? Is that the canine help line?...."

"Are you happy with your current ball?"

Dog phrenology

"Then he suggested we go to a leash optional beach."

"When I get to heaven do you think I'll get my testicles back?"

"I just don't get it, they don't do it themselves, so why do they insist on us sitting before crossing the road?"

"I'm not a mad dog. But I'm not particularly happy either."

"If you could live your life all over again, what dead animals would you roll in?"

"… She's simply asking that you no longer refer to her as 'the dog.'"

If dogs were psychiatrists.

'I can't come out to play, I have to help my owner work on his bike. Sometimes it sucks being a smart breed.'

"Great - Now what would be the second thing you'd do if you had opposable thumbs?"

Dog and man on couch

"I can remember when he used to try to tell us things."

"Really? Everyone we hang out with we also met through our puppies."

"I'd love to stay and chat but I just heard a silent dog whistle."

"The way I see it, microchipping is an invasion of our privacy!"

"He's sending an instant message."

'A listener from Ridgeway asks, 'When visiting a friend, is it improper to drink out of the toilet unless asked first?' Good question...'

"My Instagram feed is basically people, dog food and tennis balls."

'Don't forget to talk about their dog!'

'Enough of my tapeworm - tell me about your fleas.'

"Say something like 'Bow-wow' or 'Arf-arf' and you'll really break them up."

'I like this shampoo. It says here: 'Not tested on animals'!'

'I've been fixed even though there wasn't anything wrong with me.'

"I'm about ready to forgive the French."

"I've lived among them my entire life, and I can tell you, 'fetch,' 'roll over,' 'sit,' 'stay,' and 'bad dog,' is the extent of their vocabulary."