Canine Linguist Pillows

"I've lived among them my entire life, and I can tell you, 'fetch,' 'roll over,' 'sit,' 'stay,' and 'bad dog,' is the extent of their vocabulary."

"There's really not much to obedience school. Just listen up and do what they say."

"For the girls—Kimberly, Caitlin, Lauren, Cindy, and Tracy. For the boys—Cameron, Christopher, Adam, Jeffrey, and Gregory."

"When I first arrived, Young Master was always with me and Old Master didn't want anything to do with me, nor it's the opposite: Go figure..."

"Ever feel like even when you're barking at something you're still barking at nothing?"

"Look, he just wants to apologize for scaring the daylights out of you yesterday. ... Mr. Squirrel? ..."

"Sorry I'm late. I overslept." "Is that even a real word?"

"I've told you why I need a dog. Now suppose you tell me what makes you think you might be that dog."

"Hello? Is that the canine help line?...."

"I've never had a bird's eye view of anything."

'Iguana know what time it is.'

"Defense budget... Do you have any idea how much catnip $700 billion would buy?"

"And here is the very stone that finally enabled us to figure out what all those dogs and cats were saying."

"Are you happy with your current ball?"

"Then he suggested we go to a leash optional beach."

"When I get to heaven do you think I'll get my testicles back?"

"I'm not a mad dog. But I'm not particularly happy either."

"I just don't get it, they don't do it themselves, so why do they insist on us sitting before crossing the road?"

"I'm taking a gap year and then getting my Master's in Fetching and Staying."

"If you could live your life all over again, what dead animals would you roll in?"

If dogs were psychiatrists.

'I don't care how smart you think you are, you're still a bird brain.'

"... and the fact that I ain't never caught a rabbit should have no bearing on our friendship."

"I can remember when he used to try to tell us things."

"The way I see it, microchipping is an invasion of our privacy!"

"I'd love to stay and chat but I just heard a silent dog whistle."

"Great - Now what would be the second thing you'd do if you had opposable thumbs?"

"I'm expected for dinner around seven. Other than that I'm completely free."

"Really? Everyone we hang out with we also met through our puppies."

Dog and man on couch

'He's so clever he's learning a second language!'

'Enough of my tapeworm - tell me about your fleas.'

'Don't forget to talk about their dog!'

'I like this shampoo. It says here: 'Not tested on animals'!'

"I'm about ready to forgive the French."