Canine Comprehension Gifts

'Oh, I just knew that darned obedience school was a mistake!'

"For the girls—Kimberly, Caitlin, Lauren, Cindy, and Tracy. For the boys—Cameron, Christopher, Adam, Jeffrey, and Gregory."

"There's really not much to obedience school. Just listen up and do what they say."

"When I first arrived, Young Master was always with me and Old Master didn't want anything to do with me, nor it's the opposite: Go figure..."

"Ever feel like even when you're barking at something you're still barking at nothing?"

"Look, he just wants to apologize for scaring the daylights out of you yesterday. ... Mr. Squirrel? ..."

"Lenny?" "Darrell?"

"I've told you why I need a dog. Now suppose you tell me what makes you think you might be that dog."

"Hello? Is that the canine help line?...."

"Are you happy with your current ball?"

Dog phrenology

"Then he suggested we go to a leash optional beach."

"… She's simply asking that you no longer refer to her as 'the dog.'"

"If you could live your life all over again, what dead animals would you roll in?"

"I just don't get it, they don't do it themselves, so why do they insist on us sitting before crossing the road?"

"When I get to heaven do you think I'll get my testicles back?"

"I'm not a mad dog. But I'm not particularly happy either."

If dogs were psychiatrists.

"I can remember when he used to try to tell us things."

"The way I see it, microchipping is an invasion of our privacy!"

"I'd love to stay and chat but I just heard a silent dog whistle."

"Great - Now what would be the second thing you'd do if you had opposable thumbs?"

'I can't come out to play, I have to help my owner work on his bike. Sometimes it sucks being a smart breed.'

"He's sending an instant message."

"Really? Everyone we hang out with we also met through our puppies."

Dog and man on couch

'A listener from Ridgeway asks, 'When visiting a friend, is it improper to drink out of the toilet unless asked first?' Good question...'

'Don't forget to talk about their dog!'

'Enough of my tapeworm - tell me about your fleas.'

"Say something like 'Bow-wow' or 'Arf-arf' and you'll really break them up."

'I like this shampoo. It says here: 'Not tested on animals'!'

"My new year's resolution. . . .Not to drink out of the toilet."

"I'm about ready to forgive the French."

"What happened to what cat?"

'I've been fixed even though there wasn't anything wrong with me.'