Canine Chef Pillows

"Is that all they taught him at obedience school? How to use a can opener?"

'See what happens when you let him cook.'

"I always add a few breath mints to his food."

"If man is my best friend, why is he giving me this crap to eat?"

Raw food, after you leave for work.

'May I have two containers - fish for my cat, meat for the dog...vegetables divided as follows, one-fourth for the cat, three-fourths for the dog, but no carrots for the cat - kitty doesn't like carrots...'

Animal magnetism.

'It's the Animal Welfare people about you feeding leftovers to the dog!'

'Feeding dog food to dogs is NOT ethnic stereotyping!'

"Let's see . . . I detect beef . . . peas . . . and a subtle hint of sweet potato!"

"You're spoiling that dog again!"

'Patience. Gentle mixing awakens the delicate flavors and presents far more agreeably than straight-out-of-the-can.'

"I need some assistance here."

"We need to put in more bones."

'I'll have toast and he'll have a complete dog's breakfast.'

'I had no idea there were so many types of dog treats.'

Dog Food

"Pretty good dog, huh, Larry?"

Homemade dog biscuits.

"For what he is about to receive may the dog be truly thankful."

Dog Chow Mein

"So, what's it to be, chicken unfit for human consumption, or beef unfit for human consumption?"

Recipes.

"For this dish we'll need to sauté the onion with the week-old, moldy, ant-covered French fry over medium heat. Then, we lightly flash boil our dehydrated mouse..."

'You're lucky you can't read.'

'I'm taking the leftovers home, so suggest something my dog will enjoy.'

'I don't care if top breeders do recommend it - I am not going to eat dog food!'

'I was hoping chef's surprise would be fish'

Posh dog views expensive food and wine.

'That's not exactly what I had in mind.'

'Sure, it's a nice buffet, but I can't help thinking it's a bit morbid...'

'Fruits, vegetables, meat, eggs and cooked beans! He gets a better dinner than I do!'

"Look, I’m sorry - it’s not Asian fusion night!"

John envied his friends who worked at the local chocolate company

"Could we have a doggy bag please?"