Canine Chefs Pillows

"So, what's it to be, chicken unfit for human consumption, or beef unfit for human consumption?"

Raw food, after you leave for work.

"Is that all they taught him at obedience school? How to use a can opener?"

'I'll have toast and he'll have a complete dog's breakfast.'

"If man is my best friend, why is he giving me this crap to eat?"

'I had no idea there were so many types of dog treats.'

Dog Food

"Pretty good dog, huh, Larry?"

"We need to put in more bones."

Homemade dog biscuits.

Dog Chow Mein

"For what he is about to receive may the dog be truly thankful."

"You're spoiling that dog again!"

'May I have two containers - fish for my cat, meat for the dog...vegetables divided as follows, one-fourth for the cat, three-fourths for the dog, but no carrots for the cat - kitty doesn't like carrots...'

Recipes.

"For this dish we'll need to sauté the onion with the week-old, moldy, ant-covered French fry over medium heat. Then, we lightly flash boil our dehydrated mouse..."

'You're lucky you can't read.'

'Sure, it's a nice buffet, but I can't help thinking it's a bit morbid...'

"Let's see . . . I detect beef . . . peas . . . and a subtle hint of sweet potato!"

'I was hoping chef's surprise would be fish'

'That's not exactly what I had in mind.'

'I don't care if top breeders do recommend it - I am not going to eat dog food!'

'I'm taking the leftovers home, so suggest something my dog will enjoy.'

Posh dog views expensive food and wine.

"Look, I’m sorry - it’s not Asian fusion night!"

"Could we have a doggy bag please?"

"Can I have another free biscuit for my dog?"

John envied his friends who worked at the local chocolate company

Dog Food: Lick & Collect

'You're lucky you can't read.'

'Of course you have a choice. You can have it in your bowl...or on the floor...what's it to be, Mister Choosey?'

'It's the Animal Welfare people about you feeding leftovers to the dog!'

"I need some assistance here."

"I've got a complaint about the table scraps you are feeding me...cut down on the fatty tissues...I'm gaining weight!"

'See what happens when you let him cook.'