Canine Culinary Expert Pillows

"How about an upgrade?"

Raw food, after you leave for work.

'Who had the ocean whitefish and tua paté?'

"Is that all they taught him at obedience school? How to use a can opener?"

'I'll have toast and he'll have a complete dog's breakfast.'

"If man is my best friend, why is he giving me this crap to eat?"

'I had no idea there were so many types of dog treats.'

"We need to put in more bones."

Dog Chow Mein

Homemade dog biscuits.

"You're spoiling that dog again!"

"For what he is about to receive may the dog be truly thankful."

'May I have two containers - fish for my cat, meat for the dog...vegetables divided as follows, one-fourth for the cat, three-fourths for the dog, but no carrots for the cat - kitty doesn't like carrots...'

"Kibbled, canned and frozen were non-starters. But he'll often accept a ice ribeye as long as it's been properly dry aged."

Recipes.

"So, what's it to be, chicken unfit for human consumption, or beef unfit for human consumption?"

'You're lucky you can't read.'

Posh dog views expensive food and wine.

"Let's see . . . I detect beef . . . peas . . . and a subtle hint of sweet potato!"

'That's not exactly what I had in mind.'

'Sure, it's a nice buffet, but I can't help thinking it's a bit morbid...'

'I don't care if top breeders do recommend it - I am not going to eat dog food!'

'I'm taking the leftovers home, so suggest something my dog will enjoy.'

"Look, I’m sorry - it’s not Asian fusion night!"

"Can I have another free biscuit for my dog?"

"Could we have a doggy bag please?"

John envied his friends who worked at the local chocolate company

Dog Food: Lick & Collect

'You're lucky you can't read.'

'Of course you have a choice. You can have it in your bowl...or on the floor...what's it to be, Mister Choosey?'

"I've got a complaint about the table scraps you are feeding me...cut down on the fatty tissues...I'm gaining weight!"

"Some dehydrated corn and bone meal for the gentleman, perhaps?"

"I need some assistance here."

'It's the Animal Welfare people about you feeding leftovers to the dog!'

'See what happens when you let him cook.'