Campfire Chef Gifts

Moses uses the burning bush to roast a kosher frank

"Appetizer is almost done."

"The stranger came bearing gifts of graham crackers and chocolate. No one suspected the murder weapon he hid behind his back until..."

'You poached the rabbit in white wine, and poaching's a $250 dollar fine.'

"I said, 'Fetch Chardonnay,' not 'Riesling.'"

Did you know these beans have zero trans fat?

'I ain't particular, but are you sure a '71 claret is the right choice for these here beans?'

"We'd better boil it to make sure it's safe to drink."

'No, don't tell me. . . open the beans.'

'Now Featuring Gas-Fired Microwave Campfires!'

Erratum: The caption for Fig.35 shoudl read SHAGGY MIDNIGHT DEATHCAP not CHICKEN-OF-THE-WOODS.

Holiday Supplies

'Did you know these beans have zero Trans Fats?!'

"Yes, we're stranded here... but think how healthier we are eating nothing but fish!"

"If you like it now imagine how good it will be when it's cooked!"

"Howdy! I'm working on my wilderness survival. Want some Sassafras tea?!"

"Fire down."

Cannibal recipes.

Camper special! PORK 'N' BEANS...50 gallons...only $49.99...Limit: 3 per customer.

'It doesn't say anything....They're having a barbecue!'

'Don't you dare to burn the food because you're texting with your buddies!'

Pizza Rescue.

Emergency box in woods contains supplies for a campfire.

Paterfamilias makes himself independent of hotels

Listen, I'll put chocolate chips in your flapjacks, too, but I ain't makin' smiley faces with 'em.

"Let me see if I've got this straight. A rock, a couple of sticks, a leg of mammoth, and some fire. That's it??"

"You boys might as well dig in - this could smolder for days."

"It's another recipe for fish."

'Let the creepy crawly hunt begin!'

Barbequer wears apron with 'Beer in -beer out' slogan.

"...and what really makes this story scary is the kittens got lost in the woods before flea and tick products were invented."

Sausages.

'Think how all that chatting is affecting global warming.'

"Lori, out here it's my kitchen!"

"And that's when the therapist suggested… exposure therapy!"