Calorie-conscious Diner Gifts

Woman in Restaurant has Menu and Calorie Counter.

"I love this place—its food, its ambience, and its political goals."

"Even the waiters here are organic."

'I want to make a positive environmental statement - What do you suggest I order?'

As you like it - 'Waiter, chicken with watercress please' 'I'm sorry sir we haven't any chicken left ... but if you wish I bring you a larger portion of watercress...'

"Ten Dollars?! I can't eat that." Bob was on a strict low-cost diet.

"Would you like to see the markup?"

As I say, local produce, locally produced; all our meats tonight come form our local meat processing plant.

'Fish has mercury, meat has e-coli, veggies have pesticides, desserts cause obesity...so we'll have the health-concious nothing for dinner' special.'

"Young man, the world is your oyster, but for God�s sake avoid peanuts, soy, milk, eggs, wheat, fish, tree nuts, and chocolate."

Vegan Restaurant: ''amburgers! Sausages! RISSOLES!'

"Just the steak for me and my friend will have the carbon dioxide and the water with the sunlight."

'Tartar sauce?! Heavens no. My dentist would kill me.'

"Strictly organic ingredients section or Russian roulette with genetically modified foods section?"

"I eat the genetically modified flounder all the time and it's delicious."

"I'll get the onion soup... it's the only thing on the menu that I don't know why it's bad for me!"

"It may not be the lowest cal, but it's low enough cal for me."

'Are you sure this salmon was farm-raised?'

'When it comes to our Boef flambe safety is paramount.'

"Do you have a menu sorted by relevance, average customer review, and price low to high?"

Todays Special: Beans on Toast #2.50 (use of tin-opener 10- extra. . .)

'They use paper plates.'

"We use only free-range chicken and suicidal veal."

'I'm sorry, but the free range chicken escaped.'

Price and serving size: A guide.

"Waiter, there's a greenfly in my soup!"

"Hey, how about putting some cheese on this cheeseburger?" "OK, but it'll cost ya."

'What price range did you have in mind?'

"Waiter... This roast chicken. Can I see it's death certificate please?"

"Two steaks, cruelly raised and brutally slaughtered. Enjoy!"

Vegan Menu

'If you'd like to, you can discuss the question of eating genetically-modified food with our staff ethicist.'

"All the entrées are vegan, but they taste as good as endangered species."

'Troubled about eating meat? Ethicist on the premises.'

'Eat it while it's still £6.50.'