Calorie-conscious Diner Gifts

Woman in Restaurant has Menu and Calorie Counter.

"I love this place—its food, its ambience, and its political goals."

"Even the waiters here are organic."

'I want to make a positive environmental statement - What do you suggest I order?'

As you like it - 'Waiter, chicken with watercress please' 'I'm sorry sir we haven't any chicken left ... but if you wish I bring you a larger portion of watercress...'

"Ten Dollars?! I can't eat that." Bob was on a strict low-cost diet.

"Would you like to see the markup?"

As I say, local produce, locally produced; all our meats tonight come form our local meat processing plant.

"All our vegetables are organic, ethically sourced and stunned before being boiled."

'Fish has mercury, meat has e-coli, veggies have pesticides, desserts cause obesity...so we'll have the health-concious nothing for dinner' special.'

"Young man, the world is your oyster, but for God�s sake avoid peanuts, soy, milk, eggs, wheat, fish, tree nuts, and chocolate."

Vegan Restaurant: ''amburgers! Sausages! RISSOLES!'

"Just the steak for me and my friend will have the carbon dioxide and the water with the sunlight."

'Tartar sauce?! Heavens no. My dentist would kill me.'

"Strictly organic ingredients section or Russian roulette with genetically modified foods section?"

"I'll get the onion soup... it's the only thing on the menu that I don't know why it's bad for me!"

"It may not be the lowest cal, but it's low enough cal for me."

"I eat the genetically modified flounder all the time and it's delicious."

'Are you sure this salmon was farm-raised?'

"We use only free-range chicken and suicidal veal."

'When it comes to our Boef flambe safety is paramount.'

"Do you have a menu sorted by relevance, average customer review, and price low to high?"

Todays Special: Beans on Toast #2.50 (use of tin-opener 10- extra. . .)

'They use paper plates.'

'I'm sorry, but the free range chicken escaped.'

"Hey, how about putting some cheese on this cheeseburger?" "OK, but it'll cost ya."

Vegan Menu

'What price range did you have in mind?'

"Waiter, there's a greenfly in my soup!"

"Two steaks, cruelly raised and brutally slaughtered. Enjoy!"

Price and serving size: A guide.

'If you'd like to, you can discuss the question of eating genetically-modified food with our staff ethicist.'

"Waiter... This roast chicken. Can I see it's death certificate please?"

"All the entrées are vegan, but they taste as good as endangered species."

'Troubled about eating meat? Ethicist on the premises.'