California Travel Gifts

'Why, thank you. When they started the vineyard five generations ago, I heard they were shooting for freakin' awesome.'

Plan to Split California into Six States Proposed....

'Do you know the way to San Jose without breaking into a Bacharach number?'

'It's great to get back to the simple life'

"I'm heading north but these days it just seems easier to walk."

Excess Baggage: Before starting your rental car, be sure the radio is turned all the way down.

"This trip, we'd like to go everywhere our luggage goes."

California Beverages Map

Sandy Floss

'Bed & Bagel'

"I think I know why they call it 'Happydale'!"

Myrtle and Moby never miss the annual RV migration.

Welcome to Silicon Valley...the user friendly place.

"I'm finally done celebrating the recent election."

Lighthouse switch

Welcome to California. You may begin your Schwarzenegger imitation now

Mexican Dog

'No luggage.'

"Do you have any California wines that support same-sex marriage?

'Scenic route?'

The Lonesome Highway - Next 30 Miles No Shoulder to cry on.

"I know I'm good looking, but am I good looking enough to move to California?"

Now entering California, dude!

"It's a nice change of pace from being on fire."

I'll try searching 'Disabled Dining'.

Motorist sees a sign at state border reading 'Welcome, Missouri Loves Company'.

"Ask Sadie Advice Hour," what's you problem?! Kanye West said he's running for president in 2020, and I don't know whether to weep or move to Canada. Canada! Canada! Canada! Everybody always wants to move to Canada whenever they think the USA has taken a turn for the worse! None of you lily-livered quitters could stand a single Canadian winter, let alone stare down a moose at six paces. You want Canada? You can't handle Canada! How tall is a moose?

"You didn't tell anyone that we're going to Israel did you?"

Entering California, Keep it Real.

'I used to fly south - that was before hot tubs!'

'You've got your favorite room...right across from the ice machine.'

"Come in, minion. I found an old Lemont Brown article from Candorville.com, where he wrote about Dolores Park in San Francisco. For a brief and glorious time, you'd have to pay the city up to $250 to reserve a patch of grass. If anyone trespassed on your grass, security guards would roust them. It was the biggest breakthrough in the separation of the classes in ages. I'm going to make all our booths and toilets paid-reservation-only. Very bad man."

Entering California, Weather Permitting.

Places you can still go for a good, old fashioned telling off...

'That's your only wish -- that the all could be California girls?'