Calculative Communicator Gifts

Accountant Manqué

"Can I borrow the car keys?"

The writer: something who devotes a lifetime of solitude to the same of communication.

"Go ahead. Press one for more options."

Ninedency: A budding tendency

Direct Marketing...

I'm not sure which, but he's just invented either writing or vandalism. (Published originally on Feb. 11, 2011.)

"Mom, come quick. Dad's in a stupor."

Wordplay: Export.

Woman on the phone.

Target your message

'I sort of thought your presentation was going to be in powerpoint.'

Woman followed by devices.

"Go on, say it again, 'I love you' in Armadillo."

Teacher getting the childrens attention by pretending to be on television.

You can't fool all of the people all of the time, especially with our advertising budget.

'Of course, this social contract will have to remain hypothical until someone invents writing.'

"I think I know what your problem is. Not enough PR."

By teaching the parrot a few key phrases, Marilyn no longer needs to nag her kids.

"See! Thousands of new listeners."

"Your free-floating anxiety is floating over to me."

"I appreciate succinct memos, Phillips, but stop writing them all in Haiku!"

'Actually, when I asked you to bring something fresh to the table, I was talking about ideas!'

'I'm dropping you a lion.'

"They're on a silent retreat."

'This is Kevin O'Shea, my big sister's answering service.'

'I march to a different arithmetic.'

'Don't jump. It's a book publisher!'

"I'm just posting something to my wall."

The Curse of Rhadamanthus (For Pete's Sake)

'You talk in riddles!' 'I'M A POET!

If a tweet is sent out and no one signs up to read it, does it exist? Happens millions of times a day.

Maths Department with sum on door sign.

"If you want me to ask him that you'll have to wait until after the watershed."

'I have to hang up now. I'm getting some static on another line.'