Cagey Comedian Gifts

'Where is this so called 'wild man' of yours, then?'

'I know you're worried about Tibby, Mrs. Lutz, but we simply don't allow people to stay overnight with their pets.'

'AAAARGH!...Get it off! Whatever the hell it is...Get it off!'

"Well, sir, it looks like things are getting pretty serious for Peter and Pauline."

Toothless Meal

A Cow Striptease

'Push'n 50, but ya still got it!!'

"That explains all the cavities."

"During our vacation my wife and I went to Paris while our suitcases went to Rome and Athens."

"You're right. I have to come up with a brake of some kind."

'I can't help thinking there's something else we can do with this.'

"America hasn't been discovered yet -- how about cheddar?"

Interpretive Dental Hygiene

OCCASIONALLY HOMO ERECTUS, THE FIRST SPECIES TO USE TOOLS AND WEAPONS, CROSSED PATHS WITH HOMO SPIFICUS, THE FIRST SPECIES TO WEAR SPATS AND DRINK COCKTAILS>

"That was a boring field trip."

'When the time comes, Goopta, I'd like to be bronzed.'

'We tried hunting and we tried gathering, but now we usually eat out.'

'All right -- what did you jokers do with our pet Neanderthals?'

"The orgasms were real. But I faked the kids."

"Congratulations...your cholesterol is lower than your copay."

'You've been overfeeding the budgie again, dear.'

'I'm middle aged.' 'You'll grow out of it!'

"I don't care what you say when she leaves the cage door open there's a helluva draught"

"at my age I have to wonder if it's indigestion or a heart attack." (two old men discussing aging and medical concerns)

"Humm baby!! Let's go campy Lunar Colony!!!"

'If you can overlook the newspaper on the floor, this isn't bad for a starter home.'

'Astounding, isn't it? As far as we know, this is the earliest known evidence of a true hunting and news-gathering society!'

Hey What you trying pull That not a word yet

'World peace? Isn't that just an idealistic cliche?'

Man in bath not alone.

"I don't care if you asked for a mammoth burger. Soy beans are all I could gather, so it's tofu burgers all round!"

'Boy, you leave it parked for one lousy minute!'

'Want to really freak her out? Start coughing!'