Cage Connoisseur Gifts

''Free as a bird': Yeah right!'

Every Morning Precisely At Seven, Mrs. Henderson Took Petey On His Exercise Fly.

'Boy, the fish are really biting today, aren't they, Fred?'

"The university said he was a climate change denier so remove the statue."

The Philip Marlow family

"Before I fight this dragon and rescue you, can I ask a few questions? Like, do you want kids? What's your passion? Where is 'home' to you? Do you have a financial philosophy?"

'Just a couple more and we'll call it a day.'

Magic coat fixing problems while walking the dog.

"You know damn well what noise!"

'This is a personal insult to me and my family. Paulie, word is you regifted that horse's head I gave you last month. . .'

'I think I can solve our budget problem with the color scanner, color laser printer and this twenty-dollar bill!'

Crime Writer's Society.

'Thank you for noticing, Shirley - but beauty comes at a price, It hampers my hunting, limits my berry picking and typing's a real pain,'

'You're allowed to pick up the ball before it stops rolling, you know.'

'Same problem every morning. What to wear..?'

'WOW! Did anyone see the recoil on this baby?'

'Your hanging baskets are looking good this year, Sir Ranolf.'

"I just invented the power lunch."

Fisherman Funneral

'Maybe if you make it smaller, put something soft on the end and come up with a better name than 'Cue-Tip'...'

"Five ball in the corner pocket." "Me in the side pocket!"

'Well, yes. We are losing the battle, sire. But this is just an exhibition...'

"You have a rent in your invisibility cloak."

'It's gotta be a trap.'

'Hay Boats on the Thames'

'...and why do they call this a 'battlement'?'

Man stabbed in crime section of library, writing 'AAGH!' on piece of paper.

'Our dignity was the first thing to go.'

"You should feel honoured. I don't sue anyone."

Frivolous Fraud Squad

'You idiot! That one had chips in it.'

"I lined it up with our prenup."

'What do you mean you're not reaching into the livewell?'

'We don't own a shredder. We just hang sensitive material on the furniture and let the cat take care of it.'

"Her name is 'Precious', but her nickname is 'why we can't have nice things.'"