Cage Connoisseur Gifts

''Free as a bird': Yeah right!'

Every Morning Precisely At Seven, Mrs. Henderson Took Petey On His Exercise Fly.

'Boy, the fish are really biting today, aren't they, Fred?'

"The university said he was a climate change denier so remove the statue."

The Philip Marlow family

"Before I fight this dragon and rescue you, can I ask a few questions? Like, do you want kids? What's your passion? Where is 'home' to you? Do you have a financial philosophy?"

'Just a couple more and we'll call it a day.'

Magic coat fixing problems while walking the dog.

"You know damn well what noise!"

'This is a personal insult to me and my family. Paulie, word is you regifted that horse's head I gave you last month. . .'

'I think I can solve our budget problem with the color scanner, color laser printer and this twenty-dollar bill!'

Crime Writer's Society.

'Same problem every morning. What to wear..?'

'You're allowed to pick up the ball before it stops rolling, you know.'

'Thank you for noticing, Shirley - but beauty comes at a price, It hampers my hunting, limits my berry picking and typing's a real pain,'

'WOW! Did anyone see the recoil on this baby?'

'Your hanging baskets are looking good this year, Sir Ranolf.'

"I just invented the power lunch."

'Maybe if you make it smaller, put something soft on the end and come up with a better name than 'Cue-Tip'...'

Fisherman Funneral

"Five ball in the corner pocket." "Me in the side pocket!"

'Well, yes. We are losing the battle, sire. But this is just an exhibition...'

Man stabbed in crime section of library, writing 'AAGH!' on piece of paper.

'It's gotta be a trap.'

'Hay Boats on the Thames'

'...and why do they call this a 'battlement'?'

"You have a rent in your invisibility cloak."

"Why don't you want me to lay siege to this one? It's got two and a half baths and an eat-in kitchen."

'Our dignity was the first thing to go.'

Frivolous Fraud Squad

"You should feel honoured. I don't sue anyone."

'You idiot! That one had chips in it.'

'What do you mean you're not reaching into the livewell?'

"I lined it up with our prenup."

UFC on steroids...