Cap Connoisseur Gifts

"I never see you wearing a cap. Do you have to press down while turning to get it off?"

Tartine

He acts all cool and feral until the can of food comes out. Jingle jingle jingle.

Canape?

Atlas with the earth, says: 'So then I thought, Why not just roll the damn thing?'

'The bigger they are... The harder they hit!'

With Compliments

Magic coat fixing problems while walking the dog.

Man frozen in portrait pose.

Multi-Species Employment Agency. Did you hire the octopus for that job opening? Yeah, but I did interview other applicants. The frog was a strong candidate ... I'm flexible on location -- I'm an amphibian! The whale seemed to be hiding something. The gap in my resume? Uh ... I was beached for a while. And the pig wasn't smart. I see "USDA Approved" on your resume --- I don't think you understand what that means. The octopus got the job because he was a great multitasker!

Moliere

C Day Lewis.

" . . . and white, not yellow. Block, not shredded. Aged, but not too aged that it doesn't slice well."

"They must be having a two-for-one promotion tonight."

Bleak House

Charles Dickens.

"Thank you, gentlemen, and may the best networked man win."

Christmas Canapes

'Same problem every morning. What to wear..?'

'...and to commemorate 20 loyal years to the company, this gold plated sundial.'

Man sleeping with newspaper at gentlemen's club

"Don't forget, the market will take a sharp downturn on the stroke of midnight."

The Croucho Club

'This course is a great ego builder.'

'Your business plan needs work, I'm not feeling a tingle of moral remorse.'

"Hold on there buddy, that's not a KJV Bible." (two men talking, one with a Bible)

The 'I'm Almost Finished With War And Peace' Bookmark

'Actually, I was hoping for oversized with a graphite shaft'

When feud becomes best seller! Moby Dick vs Herman Melville!

Sergei Rachmaninov

"Sure he's still Mr. Right, Beth? Up there in that Bluejays cap?"

"Everyone who cares about you is here, Frank, because we all feel it's time you quit wearing your baseball cap backwards."

"Oh, I was looking for something with a little more hay."

"Classic ballcap $79.95. White, black, red or blue. Adjustable. One size fits all."

"I'm in a love-hate relationship with money. I love it and I hate not having it."