Cafe Culture Critics Gifts

"Our view is if it isn't made in a factory, it's organic."

'If this is tea, I'll have a coffee. If it's a coffee, I'll have a tea!'

"I'll have a cup of coffee, and would you mind removing that ridiculous painting and turning off the Wilco?"

'Excuse me, but do you have a decaffeinated baristo?'

"Where we lack in productivity is made up by extremely low employee turnover."

"C'mon people! All for me and me for me!"

The new boss brought a sense of urgency.

"It's a pumpkin spice latte pie latte."

'Bring me another coffee would you...'

National Coffee Day

"Sorry, you can't cash in your vacation time. Since you didn't use it, tell it Bon Voyage!"

'Your job description is fairly simple: Stay in your cubicle and try not to make things worse.'

"Excellent Simons, I admire a 'yes' man who's not afraid to say 'yes'."

'I've drawn up a health and safety policy for the company.'

"Is that legal? Can the old man force me to take a performance-enhancing drug."

'Would you like me to wipe the cup with my finger or would you prefer Rover here licking it clean?'

"We like to think of ourselves as a very progressive company. After all, a little self-delusion never hurt anyone."

"I only drink decaf, otherwise I'm awake up to four hours a day."

"You want organic, we'll make it organic."

The Department of Lessons Learned...

Course 'Management Skills and Employee Motivation', 09 AM - 05 PM, No breaks!

"Before we decide that SEO is dead, can someone tell me what SEO is?"

Alf's Cafe - Egg, Bacon and Tomato Plate, Catering Pack.

Turning around - searching for why hate happens.

"I don’t understand why they aren’t happy, we give them challenging, demanding work and let them do it 80 hours a week!"

"Whole bean or ground relentlessly to dust?"

''Masterpiece Theater' will not be seen tonight, so that we may bring you 'Slushpile Showplace'....'

Warlord

'They didn't kick me upstairs after all -- they threw me down the elevator shaft!'

Corporate Scapegoat of the Month (Poster hanging on company hallway)

Cafe: 'Soup of the day, Hon, is 'primordial'.'

"I'm thinking of suing your cafe. I just got a $2,000 dental bill. You should be paying for it." "I'm in here every day and I always order your sugary scones and your sugar-filled lattes." "That's why I had twelve cavities!" "I'll settle out of court for a scone and a latte." "No deal."