Café Culture Commentator Gifts

I suppose you're wondering why I summoned you, minion. Not really, boss. I've noticed a disturbing trend: Bikinis are getting smaller and smaller. So small, in fact, that they no longer hid anything. I think it's about time our caf

'If this is tea, I'll have a coffee. If it's a coffee, I'll have a tea!'

"I'll have a cup of coffee, and would you mind removing that ridiculous painting and turning off the Wilco?"

'Excuse me, but do you have a decaffeinated baristo?'

Toy Shops and Educated Children

"It's a pumpkin spice latte pie latte."

National Coffee Day

'Bring me another coffee would you...'

"Ever notice how grateful people are when you present them with facts contrary to their beliefs?"

I demand to be recompensed for the 28.47 minutes of my time your café was wasted. What? There are 1500 square feet of seating space in this café. That is room enough for 125 people. 90 percent of Americans own a personal electronic device of some sort. The quotient of that ratio of people to electronic devices is 112.5. Dividing by two produces a quotient of 56.25. So you see, it's obvious why you owe me compensation for my wasted time. I have no idea what you're saying. You only have 55 electri

'Would you like me to wipe the cup with my finger or would you prefer Rover here licking it clean?'

At This Restaurant, There Are Only Two Dishes on the Menu and They Both Suck

"You want organic, we'll make it organic."

"I only drink decaf, otherwise I'm awake up to four hours a day."

"Can I have another free biscuit for my dog?" "Sure." "Can you warm this one up? Maybe sprinkle some cinnamon and sugar on it, and maybe make it three biscuits?" "You sure this is for your dog?" "Can you also sprinkle a little turkey on it?"

If you can't afford the milk you drink, there are options. I can put you on a payment plan. Minimal APR since you're such a valued customer. Valued?! You hardly treat me like I'm valued, you miser! YOU TREAT ME WITH CONTEMPT! Good point. Maximum APR, then.

"I'd like a fat-free, gluten-free, MSG-free, mini, super-skinny, artisan latte please..."

Dateline - Caf

'Sorry we don't do black decaf.'

Cafe: 'Soup of the day, Hon, is 'primordial'.'

Alf's Cafe - Egg, Bacon and Tomato Plate, Catering Pack.

All Day Deals!

'I assume you accept star bucks?'

'Nobody goes there any more.' - 'It's too crowded.'

Title Page for 'Mrs Grundy'

'Hi, my name's Mandy and I'll be your culturally inappropriate annoyance this evening.'

"That's lovely, dear. Give me a heads-up when manners and intelligence get a little closer."

"Epiphany!!! . . . I'm running the cafe as a communist utopia!...I've charged everyone exactly the same for their muffins, when I should have means-testing. If you can afford to pay $650 for a muffin, well then by Ayn Rand, that's exactly what I should charge you."

"Unfortunately, we can't vote for Spongebob Squarepants..."

'The country just may not be ready for patriotic rap.'

"In the future, please order a small black coffee as a petit café noir."

Church Open 51 Sundays Per Year, Closed Superbowl Sunday

The It Tastes Like Cr*p Because Its Healthy Cafe

"Since he retired, he fills his days complaining about 'woke' television."

'What do you mean you're a vegetarian?'