Cafe Culture Critics Prints

"Our view is if it isn't made in a factory, it's organic."

'If this is tea, I'll have a coffee. If it's a coffee, I'll have a tea!'

'Excuse me, but do you have a decaffeinated baristo?'

"I'll have a cup of coffee, and would you mind removing that ridiculous painting and turning off the Wilco?"

"Where we lack in productivity is made up by extremely low employee turnover."

"C'mon people! All for me and me for me!"

The new boss brought a sense of urgency.

'Bring me another coffee would you...'

"It's a pumpkin spice latte pie latte."

National Coffee Day

I demand to be recompensed for the 28.47 minutes of my time your café was wasted. What? There are 1500 square feet of seating space in this café. That is room enough for 125 people. 90 percent of Americans own a personal electronic device of some sort. The quotient of that ratio of people to electronic devices is 112.5. Dividing by two produces a quotient of 56.25. So you see, it's obvious why you owe me compensation for my wasted time. I have no idea what you're saying. You only have 55 electri

"Sorry, you can't cash in your vacation time. Since you didn't use it, tell it Bon Voyage!"

'Your job description is fairly simple: Stay in your cubicle and try not to make things worse.'

"Excellent Simons, I admire a 'yes' man who's not afraid to say 'yes'."

"Is that legal? Can the old man force me to take a performance-enhancing drug."

"You want organic, we'll make it organic."

'I've drawn up a health and safety policy for the company.'

If you can't afford the milk you drink, there are options. I can put you on a payment plan. Minimal APR since you're such a valued customer. Valued?! You hardly treat me like I'm valued, you miser! YOU TREAT ME WITH CONTEMPT! Good point. Maximum APR, then.

"I only drink decaf, otherwise I'm awake up to four hours a day."

At This Restaurant, There Are Only Two Dishes on the Menu and They Both Suck

'Would you like me to wipe the cup with my finger or would you prefer Rover here licking it clean?'

"We like to think of ourselves as a very progressive company. After all, a little self-delusion never hurt anyone."

The Department of Lessons Learned...

Course 'Management Skills and Employee Motivation', 09 AM - 05 PM, No breaks!

"Before we decide that SEO is dead, can someone tell me what SEO is?"

"Whole bean or ground relentlessly to dust?"

"I don’t understand why they aren’t happy, we give them challenging, demanding work and let them do it 80 hours a week!"

Turning around - searching for why hate happens.

Warlord

Dateline - Caf

Alf's Cafe - Egg, Bacon and Tomato Plate, Catering Pack.

''Masterpiece Theater' will not be seen tonight, so that we may bring you 'Slushpile Showplace'....'

Corporate Scapegoat of the Month (Poster hanging on company hallway)

'They didn't kick me upstairs after all -- they threw me down the elevator shaft!'

Cafe: 'Soup of the day, Hon, is 'primordial'.'